living by the train

All my life I've lived by trains. When I lived in South Holland we were about a block and a half from a train station and could hear the freight trains rolling along at night. When we moved to Flossmoor we were about 4 blocks from a train and that house didn't last long (due to... other circumstances). When we finally moved into our downtown Flossmoor apt we were smack dab ACROSS THE STREET from the train station. I used to wave to my friends on the platform cuz they could see my apartment. I feel like I can spit out my window and hit the train sometimes.

For most people living by a train is a huge inconvenience. It's loud, it rumbles your apartment (my apartment literally shakes a bit sometimes), you get woken up by horns and dings and brakes and starts... and I can't live without it. It is hands down the most comforting sound in the entire world to me. It's my personal lullaby when I sleep and my natural music in the day time. Hearing the train on a beautiful day makes me smile.

Crazy right?! don't judge.

sunsets in Flossmoor

where you been?!

...no really, Abby. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

I think I have some 'splaining to do.

well... um....

February became March and I had ideas for this blog and then they went away. I really wanted to talk about how abstaining from social media trends like Glee... and March Photo-a-day doesn't make me any less of an awesome person. By the way it really doesn't. Life totally goes on... the Glee kids will somehow still be in high school and there will always be someone to take pictures on Instagram so never fear!

I baked some good things last month. I got the Joy the Baker cookbook! I'm MEETING Joy the Baker in 19 days (she told me she's excited to meet me! *faints*). I took a GIANT leap at work into the unknown - and I have to be vague about it - but I'm EXCITED and NERVOUS and grateful for the opportunity. I'm trying to settle into being visual lead at work. I think every time I talk to my Operations manager I get a headache and have to sit down.

All in all I'm just a little overwhelmed with life right now. So this blog has suffered for it. I've been thinking about deleting it... or at least discontinuing it. As much as I'm spouting "do your own thing! for you! not anyone else!" this blog needs a MAJOR overhaul in my brain and hate that it doesn't have a purpose or theme or direction. I feel like I'm a Jack (Jackie? Jacqueline?!) of all trades and I just talk about... RANDOM CRAP! Maybe I just need to organize it into sections. Food. Knitting. Design. Random stories about my life.

I would love some input on this cuz I feel lost with this blog. Writing into spacial void.

{about the single girl}

made me smile : )

via A Cup of Jo

salad: the mystery untangled

Can you tell that I've been watching a lot of Downton Abbey by my post title? To say I love that show would be a HUGE understatement. It's tasteful drama, scandal, gossip, outrage, unrequited love and PBS. My Jane Austen heart literally... pitter patters. It's pretty intense.

Katherine gave me the good idea to write about my favorite salads since I seriously eat them daily and I was ready to have a series about salads but I think it deserves a precursor. Like any good food, salads have a foundation to them. Once you get the foundation down you can put ANYTHING on a salad and have it taste good. The options are so limitless!

We'll start with the salad itself, move onto toppings and end in dressings.

Now if you're an iceberg lettuce kind of person you should be ashamed. It has no nutritional value whatsoever. The fact that I just said that is APPALLING to me because I used to never CARE about nutritional value. But if I'm going to eat a bowlful of vegetables only to have them not count as anything, good nor bad for my body is pretty stupid of me. If I'm gonna eat well, let's do it! If I'm gonna have Harold's fried chicken then I've already resolved to eat like crap. woo!

Lettuce should be romaine, mixed greens, spring greens, fresh spinach and/or something nutritional like... shredded brussels sprouts or cabbage or kale... but you know my feelings about kale. I'm willing to give them a chance in salads. Never fear! Myself, I'm a combo kind of girl. My salad ALWAYS starts with thinly chopped romaine lettuce, fresh spinach and broccoli slaw.

*sigh* Broccoli slaw. How did I survive salad eating without broccoli slaw?! It's literally just shredded broccoli and carrots in a bag, but it adds depth to salads to where I don't feel like I'm a giant... brown... rabbit. I feel like I just ATE something legitimate.

Toppings. Toppings are where you can get creative with your salads because it's a mix of everything you like. In terms of vegetables I usually always put on either cucumbers (pickle cucumbers are the BEEEST - the skin is not too thick and they're super tiny!) and radishes - they're crunchy and bright. Love them. At any given time, in my kitchen, I have the following toppings:

• Tortilla chips (great for literally any salad)
• dried cranberries, cherries, blueberries, raisins
• raw almonds, cashews, sunflower seeds, walnuts, pecans and spanish peanuts
• chicken (poached, sautéed, fajita...ed.) taco meat, roast beef, steak
• fresh peas, fresh avocado 
• black beans
• mexi-corn (a word I'm pretty sure made up by Aldi... but it's so tasty.)
• garbanzo beans (chick peas) 
• sautéed vegetables like peppers or mushrooms
• Granny Smith apples, mandarin oranges
• shaved coconut
• feta, gorgonzola, shredded cheddar cheese
• bacon (duh.) in bit form or whole and crumbled

see!? the possibilities just keep going! This is just stuff I have in my house, not stuff I bought, but I know for a fact that all of these things can be bought at ALDI or WALMART for super. extra. CRAZY CHEAP. It just turns out that my mother has loads of food because she's amazing. True story. I plan on having her guest post pretty soon for a "How to Grocery Shop" feature story. So many younger people have no knowledge of how to shop. I think once you get the basics down you're totally set. I get to sit at the master's feet daily and she needs to impart some KNOWLEDGE. Nutrition for your EYES. 

You can't have a good salad without the finishing touch. Like earrings on a woman, so is dressing to a salad. It is the perfect finisher. My personal favorite is my mother's vinaigrette (literally. good on EVERYTHING) and Trader Joe's spicy peanut vinaigrette. Ranch? A timeless classic and pretty much a girl's best friend next to diamonds. 

...and there you have it! I make all my salad's heavy on the vegetables and the good nutritional stuff and light on the dressing and fattening stuff and it always turns out to be a great meal. Happy eating!

{about EVERYTHING}

truth.

via Pinterest, the female world's tumblr.

life according to my iPhone

Hi, how are you?

Do you ever find that the most daunting question? People ask me this and I feel like I need to come up with something grandiose like "Oh, I rock climbed the face of Mt. Rushmore this past weekend and I'm currently working on inventing an iPad that floats with you while you walk. What's up with you?"

Honestly, that's the reason I don't write. My in-between moments seem so ordinary. I don't have an inspiration or something cool to say, sometimes I just want to check in and be like "hey. whats up?" I think the in-between moments are pretty okay, too. I'll have to check in more often. I miss this space just to speak. I have to stop myself when comparing myself to other people or other blogs cuz I tend to close myself off at that point. Who cares if this blog is never popular? This is my outlet to say something, or nothing, as often as I like. I'm just glad you're here with me, reading from time to time; really I just want to make you smile today.

I'm learning to live with responding to "Hi, how are you?" with a sincere, "Awesome," and a smile, because I am just that.

This will be a growing year - I can just feel it. I've got some growing pains.

1. I had great nom/girl time with Kate a couple weeks ago. I lurve her. Like Celine Dion lurves everything in all her songs. Legit // 2. Milky tea. I am the only black person I know that puts milk in their tea like the english. Well, me and my family. We're so weird. Try it, though. Milk in black tea is DIVINE and so relaxing // 3. This was a wake up view. I love the light in my apt - makes me feel like I live by the sea // 4. Sunday morning sun. It was chilly with a hint of spring in the air. My iPhone camera blows me away sometimes // 5. I eat a salad everyday, lucky I love salads but I always admire the natural ombre of chopped lettuce. Also my mother's cutting board makes me long for butcher block counters in my future home // 6. Hey remember that one time I'm completely nerdy in real life? Also check that hair flower. Check it! // 7. This was me baking yesterday evening making Kate's birthday breakfast muffins. I still dream of the Night Owl Bakery - ask me about it. I'll tell you sometime! // 8. January, for all it's crazy weather, hit full force at the very end of the month with a crazy cold snap and pretty patterns on bathroom windows. 


if you want to totally follow me on Instagram (the greatest app to ever be borned) please do at abbyblujay : )

kale chips! the real story.

So for about a year and a half now, on just about every blog I read, people have been raving about kale chips.

Kale chips are amazing!
They don't even taste like kale!
They're so crispy I feel like I'm eating chips!
Did you hear kale chips are gunning for world peace??
I'm voting Kale Chips in the next mayoral election!

For serious guys, it's a phenomenon. It's taken the world by storm right up there with the macarena. That's still a thing right?

I found a new food blog the other day, The Novice Chef. She is a girl after my own heart. Her blog has brown butter ice cream on it. I mean... clearly this is going to be made next week. But she also has an amazing named "Ass Friendly" section geared towards healthy eating. What did I find there? Of course. Kale chips. and their amazingness.

Well, that broke me. I bought some kale and broke out the parchment paper. It was on. Real life. I took her directions, turned on Spotify and went to town on making my kale chips. After they were out of the oven I sprinkled kosher salt, lemon juice and little bit of parmesan cheese on them because when has that combination ever failed?! Never is the answer.

ooo... check out the amazingness. those dark brown crispy bits... the flecks of cracked black pepper and parmesan on there... my 30pin dock connector somehow snaking itself around the bowl cuz it just wants a piece of the lime light. Sneaky, sneaky.

I'm going to tell you exactly what I think of them...

I super hated them. I feel REALLY bad about it too! I feel like I've let down the ENTIRE health/blog world that praise kale chips. You know what they taste like?! CRISPY STRONG TASTING LETTUCE COVERED IN SALT AND PEPPER. I did happen upon a few that were covered in lemon juice and parmesan and that was the SAVING grace of it. But for real town? I did NOT like them! I threw the rest of the batch away in disgust and guzzled 32 oz of water and ate some cashews! Maybe I made them wrong (I didn't.) maybe I didn't leave them in long enough (I did everything correctly.) but yeahhhhh. Sorry to literally EVERYONE. Kale chips are not for Abby. I'd rather eat kale greens like my mom makes them (southern style and STILL healthy BOOYAH) orrr I could eat a really leathery shoe covered in lemon juice and parmesan.

There. I said it. I've said my peace. Washed my hands of it. I'm glad I tried it so at least I can say "OMG KALE CHIIIPS!?... dooon't believe the hype."

I still want you to try them for yourself though! I happen to love COOKED kale greens like my mom makes, but who knows! they might be the breakthrough for you to stop eating chips (read: Nacho Cheese Doritos) at your desk late at night. Please tell me I'm not the only one that has done that haha

{about life}

find the wallpaper here - via swiss-miss

a difference a year makes

I wrote this post about 15 times before deciding on what to put in it. Part of me wants to be that girl that rats out all her secrets of the whole year just so I can share them. The other part of me wants to just put up "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" in the middle of the page and move onto to 2012. But this past year was hard and I think being open about that isn't bad, it's human. Last time I checked I have a bellybutton (aka not a cyborg!) and I have feelings.

At the beginning of the year I actually dated a guy... for about a second and a half. He... took a turn for the douche. No details are needed here except that after some unfortunate decisions I ended all communication with him and went on my merry way to being more awesome. It has definitely been a healing process, though.

I was in a wedding for the first time this year as a maid of honor in April. It was pretty much the most ridiculously stressful thing ever. It opened my eyes to some things and led me to end a 6 year emotionally abusive relationship (that's a heavy thing to put in a sentence, but, alas, it's real life).

Apple is going really well, I frickin' love my job, and I'm there full time now (what UP!). I really can't wait to see what things are in store next - I'm hoping for world domination. Design is... design haha. I've struggled so much this past year in trying to keep up with the Joneses of my life. It's also hard not to have pressure forcing you to think creatively. I'm going to expound on that another time soon, though.

I've come to some realizations about God. I haven't lost Him... I'm not a lost cause and too beyond repair like I thought I was after my brief dating stint (read: explosion). I just need to quit being stubborn, repent, truly repent, and start walking with Him again. It's so simple that it makes it the hardest thing in the world haha. Validation was a really hard thing to deal with this year. I felt like I needed to be validated, first by a boy, then when that went away I felt empty and looked for validation from my co-workers, or my job itself and then RIGHT back to the same boy again; it was such a vicious circle. I don't need to validated by anyone because God already DID that for me.

Let's breathe for a moment... and hug it out. 2012 will be the year of hugging it out.

So many good things happened this year, though! I became better friends with some really amazing people (like Kate and Katherine just to name a few), went to Renegade TWICE, actually took a mini road trip/vacation like I said I wanted to and bought a kick-ass bike. I made goals, I made food and I got a little creative with this blog. I also met Taye Diggs! In the BEAUTIFUL flesh. We shook hands. We're going to the Tony's together next year... I might have made that last part up, but a girl can dream!

As I head into this year I keep a sense of hope. Sometimes it's the only thing I have. I worry about whether I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life or whether I'll ever have the large family I dream about, but I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful for my future at Apple and will continue to further it until otherwise. I'm hopeful about my design career and will work to learn new skills like web design. I'm pretty hopeful about this blog which has given me a creative outlet to speak freely on any subject (thanks for listening by the way, I really appreciate it). I'm hopeful about knitting and baking praying it will lead me to open my own bakery/knitting shop one day, which I've realized this past year, is my ultimate dream. I hold on to the natural joy God has given me and I will hold on to faith, which allows me to hope for things I can't yet see. I am excited for this new year : )

"Hope is the thing with feathers, 

that perches on the soul, 

that sings the tune without the words, 

and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson 

2012. is this real life?

Let's have secret time, cuz I like you and think you're pretty trustworthy. Ready? I love new years. I love the sense of hope they bring. I love that people everywhere can get a sense of starting over, wiping that slate clean and being the person they've always hoped they could be. I mean... check on that same person in August and you'll REALLY see what's goin' down but for a good month things are BRIGHT and SHINY and amazing!

I also make the same resolutions each year and break them about 2 hours into the new year. I'm really bad at it, but I love making goals! Honestly I think I just love the idea of it being a new year that I make unattainable goals... just cuz I can make them!

In our store, before iPhone 4 came we sold iPhone 3GS'. People weren't really feeling those and it was a struggle just to sell 1 of those! (can you believe it!?) In our quest to let people know that a) the 3GS was awesome and b) no, the iPhone 4 will NOT fly we made a goal. We called it our Big Hairy Auspicious Goal or B-HAG. I make a LOT of B-HAG's at the beginning of each year that get broken. No more of that.

This year I'd like to make goals, silly and serious, that can actually be reached. If I do a B-HAG I'd like to reach it FIRST then come back and be like "BOOYA SUCKAAAAS! THIS WAS WHAT I WAS WORKIN ONNNN! I'M A MILLIONAAAIRE!" something along those lines. Maybe not those exact words but pretty close.

Without further ado (really about nothing.) i present:

1. Bake. "Bake what?" you ask. "All of it." I respond. "All of what?!" you ask. "eeeeXACTLY."
adjusted from the B-HAG of "be happier!" 
I just want to bake. Everything. This past year has been jealousy after jealousy and me trying to keep up with the cool co-workers, the married co-workers, the creative co-workers, the beautiful co-workers and making myself really unhappy in the process. Why does what they do matter at all to me? What effect SHOULD it have on my happiness? None! I'm gonna do what brings me joy and that's baking. I'm frickin GOOD at it, too! So if I show up at your doorstep with double chocolate mini cakes and a fresh baguette just say thank you and stuff your face accordingly.


2. NOT join a gym.
adjusted from the B-HAG of "get fit and in three weeks I'll have lost 100 lbs!"
Every year I say I'm going to join a gym and every year I do. By February I'm having a serious talk with Rhonda (I'm fuzzy on the name) at the gym about why I want to quit the gym. Every year Rhoshonda (i think that's it...) asks me why I take my car for monthly upkeep and not my body, slams down her pen and walks away. Dang Rho'shaquanda (yes!)! Don't be like that! I'm not havin' it this year. If I want to exercise I'm going to move my legs to the bike THAT I PAID FOR and take it outside.... fall off of it and come back inside scraped up but blood pumpin'. Agreed?! Down with gyms!


3. Finish my unfinished knit projects.
adjusted from the B-HAG of "start a knitting business from the ground up and sell to everyone I know!"
This is a daunting task, because I have a LOT of unfinished things! I have a scarf that is laying (CRYING) in my living room. A winter hat that doesn't reach your ears yet. A double long, fold in half and SEW scarf that I've been working on since COLLEGE. It's extra special crazy. I need to finish those things so I can actually start and finish NEW things for actual PEOPLE. I can't do anything with all those unfinished ghosts just staring at me every time I pick up a pair of new needles! This is a doable task right?! Totally! *bites fist*


4. Design when I feel like it. 
adjusted from the B-HAG of "design one thing every day for a year!" 
I promise 2012 is not the year of being lazy but I put so much pressure on myself to keep up with my aforementioned co-workers that I've taken a lot of the passion out of  designing things. There is also a lot of pressure from the artist community to stay current and ahead of the curve and it messes. with. your. MIND! If I want to design, I'm gonna. If I don't want to... I think I'll do something else. If I've learned anything about this year is that I can't push myself to do something that my heart isn't in. If I'm passionate about it there is pretty much no stopping me, but if I know it isn't right for me my heart stops me before my brain. I get all confused as to why I can't do this thing and it's like *forehead smack* duh, Abby. You HATE this! Once I do something that I love, the drive comes back. I'm just looking for my drive. 


5. Learn to let things go quickly. 
adjusted from the B-HAG of "stop overanalyzing everything!"
Here's a lesson they don't teach you in school. Things get harder and more petty the older you get. Drama gets stupider. PEOPLE get stupider. Adults throw tantrums and they are of epic proportions. I tend to cry out feelings. Happiness? tears. Sadness? tears, obvi. Anger? oh you better believe there is a thing called 'rage crying' and I perfected it in 8th grade. Frustration? see "anger." Hey, Steve Jobs cried a lot. It's a sign of brilliance! sort of... The quicker I can let things go the better friend, co-worker, and functioning adjusted ADULT I can be. No reason to be jealous (I've had some intense 5 year old-like jealousy moments this year) over someone else's success. Rejoice with them! Ask them to mentor you in the ways of being awesome and move on. If left to stew in my own juices I get over things in about an hour, but it's packed full of teary eyes, pouty lips and crossed arms. Oh, Abby. Why are you a teenager NOW?! That's not attractive! Breathe in, breathe out. Walk on.


6. Fake it til I make it.
adjusted from the B-HAG of "be more confident and sexy and fit!"
I work with a girl who is a classic narcissist. She knows it, too. She's the one who told me she was narcissistic. She's beautiful and curvy and has long hair and wears lots of leggings and boots. All the black guys love her because she OWNS the room. I'm 100% Childish Gambino would try to steal her. One day I finally asked her how she got so confident and she told me she used to be really self conscious about her weight. It bothered her so much that she decided to do the opposite of everything she was feeling. Whenever someone asked her how she was she said, "I'm more awesome than you are," until she believed it. Lessons from a narcissist; fake it til you make it. I can't DRUM up confidence that doesn't exist but I can fake like I have it til it's there FOREVER. So what does this mean? Taking care of myself. Making sure my hair is on point and not a ball of ridiculousness and using my new LUSH products to smell like a lemon-scented flower goddess of love. Not sleep in til forever cuz it makes me groggy, but throw open my curtains, let in some light and take on the day. 


What do you think? Attainable? Ungettable? Too ridiculous? That's the joy in making goals! They can be so stupid like "brush my teeth every day" or "laugh every day" but when you cross one off it's like "WHAT UUUP! Guess who brushed their teeth today?!" 

Are you into "resolutions" or are you super against them? 2012 should be an interesting year to say the least.

Happy New Year everyone!