Wednesday, January 18, 2012

kale chips! the real story.

So for about a year and a half now, on just about every blog I read, people have been raving about kale chips.

Kale chips are amazing!
They don't even taste like kale!
They're so crispy I feel like I'm eating chips!
Did you hear kale chips are gunning for world peace??
I'm voting Kale Chips in the next mayoral election!

For serious guys, it's a phenomenon. It's taken the world by storm right up there with the macarena. That's still a thing right?

I found a new food blog the other day, The Novice Chef. She is a girl after my own heart. Her blog has brown butter ice cream on it. I mean... clearly this is going to be made next week. But she also has an amazing named "Ass Friendly" section geared towards healthy eating. What did I find there? Of course. Kale chips. and their amazingness.

Well, that broke me. I bought some kale and broke out the parchment paper. It was on. Real life. I took her directions, turned on Spotify and went to town on making my kale chips. After they were out of the oven I sprinkled kosher salt, lemon juice and little bit of parmesan cheese on them because when has that combination ever failed?! Never is the answer.

ooo... check out the amazingness. those dark brown crispy bits... the flecks of cracked black pepper and parmesan on there... my 30pin dock connector somehow snaking itself around the bowl cuz it just wants a piece of the lime light. Sneaky, sneaky.

I'm going to tell you exactly what I think of them...

I super hated them. I feel REALLY bad about it too! I feel like I've let down the ENTIRE health/blog world that praise kale chips. You know what they taste like?! CRISPY STRONG TASTING LETTUCE COVERED IN SALT AND PEPPER. I did happen upon a few that were covered in lemon juice and parmesan and that was the SAVING grace of it. But for real town? I did NOT like them! I threw the rest of the batch away in disgust and guzzled 32 oz of water and ate some cashews! Maybe I made them wrong (I didn't.) maybe I didn't leave them in long enough (I did everything correctly.) but yeahhhhh. Sorry to literally EVERYONE. Kale chips are not for Abby. I'd rather eat kale greens like my mom makes them (southern style and STILL healthy BOOYAH) orrr I could eat a really leathery shoe covered in lemon juice and parmesan.

There. I said it. I've said my peace. Washed my hands of it. I'm glad I tried it so at least I can say "OMG KALE CHIIIPS!?... dooon't believe the hype."

I still want you to try them for yourself though! I happen to love COOKED kale greens like my mom makes, but who knows! they might be the breakthrough for you to stop eating chips (read: Nacho Cheese Doritos) at your desk late at night. Please tell me I'm not the only one that has done that haha


  1. I am literally rolling around laughing right now. Erick had to ask what was wrong with me....

    aaahahaha. good to know! I didn't think I would like them in chip form... thanks for trying it out first and saving me from the CRISPY STRONG TASTING LETTUCE!

  2. OMG I love this post so hard. I've always wondered about kale chips and how they can possibly be SO AWESOME. I wanted to make them one weekend and Chris said "I used to feed kale to my pet gerbil. Gross."

    I might still try them sometime... but now I know not to expect some miracle veggie chip. And let's face it... nothing can replace Nacho Cheese Doritos. Nothing.



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