a difference a year makes

I wrote this post about 15 times before deciding on what to put in it. Part of me wants to be that girl that rats out all her secrets of the whole year just so I can share them. The other part of me wants to just put up "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" in the middle of the page and move onto to 2012. But this past year was hard and I think being open about that isn't bad, it's human. Last time I checked I have a bellybutton (aka not a cyborg!) and I have feelings.

At the beginning of the year I actually dated a guy... for about a second and a half. He... took a turn for the douche. No details are needed here except that after some unfortunate decisions I ended all communication with him and went on my merry way to being more awesome. It has definitely been a healing process, though.

I was in a wedding for the first time this year as a maid of honor in April. It was pretty much the most ridiculously stressful thing ever. It opened my eyes to some things and led me to end a 6 year emotionally abusive relationship (that's a heavy thing to put in a sentence, but, alas, it's real life).

Apple is going really well, I frickin' love my job, and I'm there full time now (what UP!). I really can't wait to see what things are in store next - I'm hoping for world domination. Design is... design haha. I've struggled so much this past year in trying to keep up with the Joneses of my life. It's also hard not to have pressure forcing you to think creatively. I'm going to expound on that another time soon, though.

I've come to some realizations about God. I haven't lost Him... I'm not a lost cause and too beyond repair like I thought I was after my brief dating stint (read: explosion). I just need to quit being stubborn, repent, truly repent, and start walking with Him again. It's so simple that it makes it the hardest thing in the world haha. Validation was a really hard thing to deal with this year. I felt like I needed to be validated, first by a boy, then when that went away I felt empty and looked for validation from my co-workers, or my job itself and then RIGHT back to the same boy again; it was such a vicious circle. I don't need to validated by anyone because God already DID that for me.

Let's breathe for a moment... and hug it out. 2012 will be the year of hugging it out.

So many good things happened this year, though! I became better friends with some really amazing people (like Kate and Katherine just to name a few), went to Renegade TWICE, actually took a mini road trip/vacation like I said I wanted to and bought a kick-ass bike. I made goals, I made food and I got a little creative with this blog. I also met Taye Diggs! In the BEAUTIFUL flesh. We shook hands. We're going to the Tony's together next year... I might have made that last part up, but a girl can dream!

As I head into this year I keep a sense of hope. Sometimes it's the only thing I have. I worry about whether I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life or whether I'll ever have the large family I dream about, but I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful for my future at Apple and will continue to further it until otherwise. I'm hopeful about my design career and will work to learn new skills like web design. I'm pretty hopeful about this blog which has given me a creative outlet to speak freely on any subject (thanks for listening by the way, I really appreciate it). I'm hopeful about knitting and baking praying it will lead me to open my own bakery/knitting shop one day, which I've realized this past year, is my ultimate dream. I hold on to the natural joy God has given me and I will hold on to faith, which allows me to hope for things I can't yet see. I am excited for this new year : )

"Hope is the thing with feathers, 

that perches on the soul, 

that sings the tune without the words, 

and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson