2012. is this real life?

Let's have secret time, cuz I like you and think you're pretty trustworthy. Ready? I love new years. I love the sense of hope they bring. I love that people everywhere can get a sense of starting over, wiping that slate clean and being the person they've always hoped they could be. I mean... check on that same person in August and you'll REALLY see what's goin' down but for a good month things are BRIGHT and SHINY and amazing!

I also make the same resolutions each year and break them about 2 hours into the new year. I'm really bad at it, but I love making goals! Honestly I think I just love the idea of it being a new year that I make unattainable goals... just cuz I can make them!

In our store, before iPhone 4 came we sold iPhone 3GS'. People weren't really feeling those and it was a struggle just to sell 1 of those! (can you believe it!?) In our quest to let people know that a) the 3GS was awesome and b) no, the iPhone 4 will NOT fly we made a goal. We called it our Big Hairy Auspicious Goal or B-HAG. I make a LOT of B-HAG's at the beginning of each year that get broken. No more of that.

This year I'd like to make goals, silly and serious, that can actually be reached. If I do a B-HAG I'd like to reach it FIRST then come back and be like "BOOYA SUCKAAAAS! THIS WAS WHAT I WAS WORKIN ONNNN! I'M A MILLIONAAAIRE!" something along those lines. Maybe not those exact words but pretty close.

Without further ado (really about nothing.) i present:

1. Bake. "Bake what?" you ask. "All of it." I respond. "All of what?!" you ask. "eeeeXACTLY."
adjusted from the B-HAG of "be happier!" 
I just want to bake. Everything. This past year has been jealousy after jealousy and me trying to keep up with the cool co-workers, the married co-workers, the creative co-workers, the beautiful co-workers and making myself really unhappy in the process. Why does what they do matter at all to me? What effect SHOULD it have on my happiness? None! I'm gonna do what brings me joy and that's baking. I'm frickin GOOD at it, too! So if I show up at your doorstep with double chocolate mini cakes and a fresh baguette just say thank you and stuff your face accordingly.


2. NOT join a gym.
adjusted from the B-HAG of "get fit and in three weeks I'll have lost 100 lbs!"
Every year I say I'm going to join a gym and every year I do. By February I'm having a serious talk with Rhonda (I'm fuzzy on the name) at the gym about why I want to quit the gym. Every year Rhoshonda (i think that's it...) asks me why I take my car for monthly upkeep and not my body, slams down her pen and walks away. Dang Rho'shaquanda (yes!)! Don't be like that! I'm not havin' it this year. If I want to exercise I'm going to move my legs to the bike THAT I PAID FOR and take it outside.... fall off of it and come back inside scraped up but blood pumpin'. Agreed?! Down with gyms!


3. Finish my unfinished knit projects.
adjusted from the B-HAG of "start a knitting business from the ground up and sell to everyone I know!"
This is a daunting task, because I have a LOT of unfinished things! I have a scarf that is laying (CRYING) in my living room. A winter hat that doesn't reach your ears yet. A double long, fold in half and SEW scarf that I've been working on since COLLEGE. It's extra special crazy. I need to finish those things so I can actually start and finish NEW things for actual PEOPLE. I can't do anything with all those unfinished ghosts just staring at me every time I pick up a pair of new needles! This is a doable task right?! Totally! *bites fist*


4. Design when I feel like it. 
adjusted from the B-HAG of "design one thing every day for a year!" 
I promise 2012 is not the year of being lazy but I put so much pressure on myself to keep up with my aforementioned co-workers that I've taken a lot of the passion out of  designing things. There is also a lot of pressure from the artist community to stay current and ahead of the curve and it messes. with. your. MIND! If I want to design, I'm gonna. If I don't want to... I think I'll do something else. If I've learned anything about this year is that I can't push myself to do something that my heart isn't in. If I'm passionate about it there is pretty much no stopping me, but if I know it isn't right for me my heart stops me before my brain. I get all confused as to why I can't do this thing and it's like *forehead smack* duh, Abby. You HATE this! Once I do something that I love, the drive comes back. I'm just looking for my drive. 


5. Learn to let things go quickly. 
adjusted from the B-HAG of "stop overanalyzing everything!"
Here's a lesson they don't teach you in school. Things get harder and more petty the older you get. Drama gets stupider. PEOPLE get stupider. Adults throw tantrums and they are of epic proportions. I tend to cry out feelings. Happiness? tears. Sadness? tears, obvi. Anger? oh you better believe there is a thing called 'rage crying' and I perfected it in 8th grade. Frustration? see "anger." Hey, Steve Jobs cried a lot. It's a sign of brilliance! sort of... The quicker I can let things go the better friend, co-worker, and functioning adjusted ADULT I can be. No reason to be jealous (I've had some intense 5 year old-like jealousy moments this year) over someone else's success. Rejoice with them! Ask them to mentor you in the ways of being awesome and move on. If left to stew in my own juices I get over things in about an hour, but it's packed full of teary eyes, pouty lips and crossed arms. Oh, Abby. Why are you a teenager NOW?! That's not attractive! Breathe in, breathe out. Walk on.


6. Fake it til I make it.
adjusted from the B-HAG of "be more confident and sexy and fit!"
I work with a girl who is a classic narcissist. She knows it, too. She's the one who told me she was narcissistic. She's beautiful and curvy and has long hair and wears lots of leggings and boots. All the black guys love her because she OWNS the room. I'm 100% Childish Gambino would try to steal her. One day I finally asked her how she got so confident and she told me she used to be really self conscious about her weight. It bothered her so much that she decided to do the opposite of everything she was feeling. Whenever someone asked her how she was she said, "I'm more awesome than you are," until she believed it. Lessons from a narcissist; fake it til you make it. I can't DRUM up confidence that doesn't exist but I can fake like I have it til it's there FOREVER. So what does this mean? Taking care of myself. Making sure my hair is on point and not a ball of ridiculousness and using my new LUSH products to smell like a lemon-scented flower goddess of love. Not sleep in til forever cuz it makes me groggy, but throw open my curtains, let in some light and take on the day. 


What do you think? Attainable? Ungettable? Too ridiculous? That's the joy in making goals! They can be so stupid like "brush my teeth every day" or "laugh every day" but when you cross one off it's like "WHAT UUUP! Guess who brushed their teeth today?!" 

Are you into "resolutions" or are you super against them? 2012 should be an interesting year to say the least.

Happy New Year everyone!