Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Never Coast: an slw story

I'm not really a fan of talking about being healthy or diets or weight loss because, frankly EVERYONE is talking about it right now.  At work, where everyone SMOKES, it seems like everyone is on a diet. We're immersed in technology we have access to all these 'health' resources and I swear every other word out of our mouths is something about health. If you are eating wrong we side eye you but we don't say anything. If you bring a salad we side eye you but we don't say anything. You've just given into peer pressure to be healthy. It's really a losing battle on both sides. So I shut my mouth and do my thing and gently back away when people try to TELL ME THEIR WEIGHT like I actually wanna know. I'm really glad that everyone is getting on board and focusing on their health I just wish it wasn't the only thing everyone talked about.

But this story needs a telling.

I made a decision to try a spinning class in the heart of the city with a bunch of skinny people on purpose. The place is called Flywheel and it's in the Gold Coast and all it is... is spinning. There's a STADIUM (take that term loosely) full of bikes and a skinny/buff person sits at the center and yells at you.

My thought? Oh! It's biking! I like biking. This should be fun! First class is freeee!!!

Reality: It's a class designed to make sure you don't ever have children. The bike? Is like sitting on a knife. Or... if you enjoyed having someone punch you in the taint continually then like... yeah you'd like spinning.
Quick summary? Biking + elliptical + genital punching + skinny people yelling at you = spinning.

Thoughts during:
I can actually hear my bajingo screaming. It's screaming...

Ugh this class is for white people. *looks over and sees black people* Whatever, this class is for skinny people. *looks over and sees a PREGNANT WOMAN* OMG WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!?

*as they lock your shoes onto the bike* ......I may die in here...

I didn't survive the entire class, which was an hour. I just... my bajingo went numb! That seems like a thing that should conCERN me and it did. So I left the room. The wonderful thing is that in the midst of watching 30 women with no butts ride a spin bike, everyone was REALLY nice. Like they understood the pain you underwent and offered you fruit and water and a COUCH to... rest your genitals.

I've decided to make that class my Everest. I'm not saying my goal is to be a white girl with no butt? Because... one does not simply LOSE the butt she was born with - I DO want to build up an endurance and make it through a class. All those skinny ladies came out of that class COMPLETELY SOAKED. Biggest Loser competitors barely make it through that class so I think this is a good goal.

I will conquer this class! And maybe sneak a pillow in there for my middle parts.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

SLW: why Scandal is totally ruining single lady's lives.

Yeah... I'm about to do a blog post on the tv show Scandal so I mean... either prepare yourself or get out now cuz it's about to go down.

A brief synopsis: Olivia Pope is a high profile lawyer in D.C. dubbed a 'fixer' for political scandals that don't want to be leaked to the media and the police. Herself being the ultimate scandal of SLEEPING WITH THE PRESIDENT on the regular and the President being in love with her. Chaos ensues, people totally die, there are actual spies, and everyone is well dressed. It's too much to handle.

I kinda jumped on the train and then made the train go at full speed. I am full on obsessed with this show and that's a bad. bad. bad thing. I know these characters are fictional and all the events are fictional but it's skewing how I view EVERYTHING!

As a single woman, though eventually I want the kids, husband, house, and security of a future life deep down I think every woman wants that knock down, drag out, passionate love of fictional stories. Love that breaks barriers and tears down walls. Love that doesn't even start correctly, infidelity love - love against all odds, unrequited and angry. That's why people are so obsessed with this show because she is NOT his wife but they're MEANT to be together and people root for the girl on the side with gusto. Their story is something of legend and every woman craves a legendary kind of love. It's like a twisted Princess Bride.

Yeah... I want a legendary love that makes my stomach clench like I'm on a roller coaster but that's not how love is supposed to be. It's not supposed to wreck and ruin my life it's supposed to make me bloom. I refrain from bringing my faith into my posts but there is already a reckless love that I own. A revolutionary love that someone died to give me. Love with no strings attached, I only need to reach out and accept it. THAT love... His love... is my legendary love.

That is the kind of love I need to be obsessing over.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

SLW power songs

Every woman needs a song that will make her want to dance/punch things/run a million miles all at the same time. 99% of those songs, for me, are Beyoncé. Um... because Beyoncé. But I wanted to share some of my personal Single Lady Pump Up the Jam's with you. Who can resist a good jam?

Beyoncé - Grown Woman - not yet released but this video gets me through... as I watch it daily.

They like the way I walk
Cuz I walk with a vengance
And they listen to me when I talk
Cuz I ain't pretendin'
I'm a grown woman! 

Avicii - Silhouettes - ULTIMATE POWER SOOOONG. Also it makes me wanna twerk just a bit.

We've come a long way since that day
And we will never look back at the faded silhouettes
Straight ahead on the path we have before us
Day by day we know a change will come
Don't you know we took a big step forward?

30 Seconds to Mars - Kings & Queens - this makes me wanna throw my hands in the air and YELL for a good 20 seconds. It reminds me a lot of MuteMath who I also love.

We were the kings and queens of promise

Estelle - Freak - for the times you just need to let it OUT. And sometimes you do.

I can be a freak, every day of every week. 

Midnight City - M83 - this is just one of those songs that makes me want to run... while simultaneously sobbing. It's just so good... it hasn't gotten old. I think it's the saxophone at the end of it. 

The city is my church
It wraps me in sparkling twilight

Here's this for good measure. And this


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

on my birthday

Today is my birthday and for the first time in my life I'm working on it cuz I forgot to ask off. It's been a pretty good day so far! The sun is brilliant and it's 90 degrees out, it decided summer was TODAY and I am accepting that! It's nice getting well wishes at work it's like having a hundred family members tell you happy birthday. I'm really in it for the hugs. Let's be real.

I'm 27. What IS that!? It's so... it's so WEIRD. It's a non-age to me. Not almost 30... DEFINITELY past 25... just... in the middle. bein' floaty and weird. I'm not so much panicking about my age but more about the things I'd like to DO. Actually, I do freak out about  my age every year at about 11:34 the night before and usually impulse buy some things. Last night I applied for a passport. What if I want to have mussels and fries in Monaco or find tickets on Kayak for a deal I just can't pass up and I need to go to Australia to replenish/fuel my Cherry Ripe obsession?! *sigh* These are things I think about.

Every year I think I psych myself up that THIS YEAR is gonna be the YEAR and... I wait for the YEAR to do something awesome to ME not the other way around. I started out today with maybe the best workout ever as a standard for how I want things to be now. No more talking. Much more doing. So I apologize if I don't say as much about things I'm doing it's cuz I want to DO them and not just spout off stuff that sits dormant. I'm pretty annoyed with myself about that. I keep talking about it.

I'm kinda apprehensive about this year, this age. I have no idea what's around the bend for me but I'm ready for it. Ready to carve out a niche for myself in this world, finally. I'm excited for more adventures to share with you all. More Bake Days with good friends. Ready for more Single Lady Wednesdays. And just maybeee I'm ready for a relationship... Doesn't mean it'll happen but I think I'm becoming more ready for that.

BUT. I WILL tell you my birthday gift. A CUISINART ICE CREAM MAKER. ICE CREAM ALL THE THINGS. Here's to many ice cream recipes with bacon. Maybe the next bake day could be a homemade ice cream social in the summer... eh?? Rieeeeeeght?!?

Tomorrow is my annual birthday pilgrimage downtown to get a sundress from Forever 21 (don't judge the downtown one has an awesome section for girls like me), a birthday drink from Argo Tea, and LUSH STUUUUUFF. And maybe a slice of Icebox Cake from Magnolia Bakery. Okay DEFINITELY a slice of Icebox Cake from Magnolia Bakery.

Thank you, again, for all the well wishes today. You guys are kinnnnd of my favorite people on the planet. 

Sunday, May 12, 2013


I downloaded the Air BnB app recently and it was a mistake. I stumbled upon this tiny little tree house in Vermont in the picture above gave me the travel bug. It's a TREE HOUSE. that you can STAY IN. with a BED. and they serve you BREAKFAST. I about died.

That led me to the realization that I need to take a vacation. I never go anywhere... The whole work/life balance is more or less work/work/work/imminent death alone. I'm always baffled when people are like 'yeah I'll see you guys in a week! Headed to Florida/California/TREEHOUSE IN THE WOODS' and I'm like 'WHUT NOW!?' My family has never made time for a work/life balance cuz it made no sense and money wasn't ever there. It's not normal for me to take time off for ME. It took me figuring out I have 2 weeks of vacation time stored up cuz I NEVER TAKE A DAY OFF and it woke me up a little bit.

I just kinda want to get away and do stuff I wanna do. Then come back. Like visit Portland to visit the original Stumptown Coffee and eat lavender ice cream and maybe find Abi Porter so we can be best friends and basically be the MOST hipster I can be for a week without judgement. I want to vacation with friends but that is too hard to orchestrate - by the time it's planned out I'll have 80 more hours of vacation time stored up so I was thinking about doing a solo trip.

But really... is this a good idea? Is vacationing alone a sham? Has anyone ever vacationed alone? Is it a bad idea for a person like me? (me meaning... semi introverted)


p.s. - yes. this post is tagged 'quarter life crisis' real life.
p.p.s. - I'm listening to so much Beyoncé right now. So. Much.


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