Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The Single Lady's Guide to Herself

Hey girl. You're single. Some days it's the best thing and some days it's the worst. Some days it feels like you don't even understand anything at all, but that's most adults - we can be real with each other.

I don't really write in this space for 2 reasons. 1) Being single gets REALLY monotonous. 2) I have a Blogspot. It's like... who are you, even?? So I come back when someone mentions "Hey remember that thing you used to do and a whole 21 people liked it? You should do that again." And I casually shrug my shoulders, flex my fingers and tell my brain to be creative for like FOUR seconds and it responds in kind. Thanks brain. Have this freezie-pop. Eat it slowly.

I've spent my entire life trying to figure myself out, and isn't that most of us? You know yourself fully until you do something that completely contradicts everything and you're back at square one. Being single is fun! Except when it ISN'T and you ride the wave either way. I'm sure further down the line I'll be writing "being married/a mother/a grandmother is fun! except when it ISN'T" but we accept our stages of life in their turn. Or something. I'm sure I read that bull on a blog somewhere.

On Loneliness: it will happen and it will hit swiftly without a sound. You'll be enjoying life's little things and BAM you're crying in public because you want to share this portion of your life with someone. For example, a week before my 29th birthday I spent 2 whole days SOBBING because I was suddenly hit with the realization I have not found someone, no one has shown interest and I may NEVER find someone. I broke. Big time. And I'm fine now but at the moment I felt lower than low. You may be tempted to treat loneliness with all of the wine (pass for me) or all of the food (ding, ding, ding!!). TRY to recognize this for what it is and even cry, or write, or do yoga but for the love of God in Heaven DON'T DRINK OR EAT. IT'S NOT WORTH IT GIRL.

On Friends: being single and getting a little older means your friends are married and having kids. They will stop keeping in touch with you eventually. It also means your single friends are oddly even MORE unreliable and/or just plain crazy. Like there is no in between unfortunately. Try (try, try, try!) to hold on to the good ones, married or not, and keep a few crazy friends on reserve for when you're feeling adventurous (read: lonely). There is a constant cycle of realizing your friends are NOT a replacement for a significant other and loving them so much you can't imagine life without them. Oh! Group texts - the blessing and the curse. Keep a group text with the good ones. You've no clue what wonders a good friend group text does.

On Confidence: at this point in your singledom you understand your style pretty well and what you like and don't like. It's GREAT. You walk into a store and you don't have to buy things you don't like! You can tell your sexist coworkers where to shove it so far up without even batting an eyelash. You're a feminist and you stand for equality and you DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT. Except for a few days out of the month, every month, that really effs you up. Ugh. YOU know.

On Dating: there are 2 things that have happened if you've made it to late 20's/early 30's without a boyfriend. You've joined a few dating sites. Deleted them. Re-added them. Re-deleted them. Or! You've considered coming out as a lesbian even though you're straight just to alleviate pressure and see who won the bet in your family. Oh that's just me? HAHA KIDDING GUYS I'D NEVER DO THAT HAHAHAHAHA I HOPE THIS IS CONVINCING.

On Vacations: no? Is no an answer?? You go on Air B'n'B a lot and browse without making a commitment. You go back and forth between saying "Who CARES if I'm alone on vacation!" and "WHY WOULD I GO ON VACATION ALONE?!"

On Exercise: being single gives you access to a PLETHORA of exercise boot camps and Zumba's and so many things. You won't go to any of them. They're all filled with mom's who don't even have time! So in turn you feel guilty cuz you certainly have MORE time than a mom and then oh look! A bag of Cheetos. RINSE, REPEAT. You will go back and forth between being determined to be healthy and OH LOOK. A BAG. OF CHEETOS. For the rest of your life.

Listen, at this point I seriously don't know what the heck's gonna happen. If my 20's have taught me anything it's that ANYTHING AND NOTHING CAN AND WILL HAPPEN. If you're confused then I've explained your 20's PERFECTLY. I do know this - I like myself SO MUCH! I really have enjoyed getting to know who I am and being confident in that. If nothing else comes out of this but learning to really accept myself then everything's gonna be fine. ALSO, SOMEONE BUY ME THIS SWEATSHIRT THANKS.


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