Friday, June 28, 2013

Come find me!

First of all let's have a moment of silence for Google Reader's passing - one of many dumb decisions Google has made including the birthing of Google + and Google Glass making everyone look like a tool.

I'll watch the time...

*exhales* Secondly there is good news! You can find me on Feedly, Reeder (which is a free download for iOS and Mac right now!) and Bloglovin' if you dare to keep up with this girl. And by keep up I mean navigating all of my daily emotions. It's a good time right? It's tiring a little bit. We can be real with each other.

By the way... because you totally wanted to know... I'm in the middle of writing letters for apprenticeship request for a few bakeries and my fingers absolutely will not type. I'm here... typing away but as soon as I know something is important I shut down. So I am trying to NOT sound like a 4 year old writing this letter in crayon but it is very difficult. Pray for me.

See you on the other side of Google Reader! and hopefully be back with a few new SLW's soon!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

not fatherless - a response to Father's Day in general

Sometimes I really hate Father's Day. Or maybe I just hate the combination of Father's Day and Facebook. Dad's who don't have a Facebook page get lots of love and adoration and praise for being the BEST father and giving the BEST advice when in reality I bet your dad is pretty okay. Okay granted there are some dads out there who are kind of super heroes but it's like GEEZE. ALL of your dads are flawless?? Ha. I'm bitter a bit.

Maybe I'm bitter cuz I wanted to write a post that said, "Well my dad skipped out on my family and left us in a state that took us 12 years to START to recover from. It's been pretty great. We can't go on vacations because there's never enough money, but you have fun in Jamaica with your new wife, Dad. No seriously, bottom of my heart, I mean it." But  you can't do that... well you can but then the little judgements start to roll in. But what I said up there is the truth. My dad chose to leave our family and take shelter with a different one and live his life when I was 13. And this is the story of a lot of the women in my family, unfortunately.

I also wanted to write that I have found men that have taken his place and shown me what it means to be a real man and I have in a way. I found Mr. Eadie, who passed away, who showed me consistency and stability and a rock solid kind of love. I found Mr. Woods (my niece and nephew's grandfather) who showed kindness and protectiveness over a family he's not actually related to. I found Mr. Dickson who just hugged me when I needed it most, which is HUGE, and gave me fatherly, Godly advice when he had no idea he was doing so. If I look hard enough there are a lot of fathers that have made a little room for me in their life and I'm truly grateful.

Being on Facebook on Father's Day kind of renewed the stigma (in my mind) that being a kid of divorce, or a kid of a single mom is a bad thing. It isn't! It makes you resilient to life and while you don't have a constant male figure in your life it doesn't mean you don't know what a good one looks like. You're able to be perceptive to what a man of standard is and what a broke ass, broke down man is. It doesn't mean you're less loved by any stretch, nor does it mean the father that left doesn't love you. I know my dad loves me - he's an idiot and I would relish the chance to punch him ONE GOOD TIME - but he loves me. And I have a Heavenly one who takes care of me at all cost, so much more than I realize.

Never assume you're not loved is what I'm saying. To the kids without dads, you're loved beyond imagine. We're not damaged, we're not BROKEN, we're simply loved.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

SLW: nothing compares

- Theodore Roosevelt

Can I just say that I totally saw this quote on Swiss-Miss and jumped on that bandwagon before EVERY other blogger decided to love/blog about this quote? I'm just sayin. Pfft. Bloggers... am I right?

I fell in to a hole the other day. That hole's name is Facebook Stalking. It always starts so harmlessly. You're aimless, mindlessly browsing the FB's and you come across a picture. It's usually not even someone you really KNOW it's a friend of a friend of a FRIEND's picture and then the darkness hits you. That picture led to her profile. Which led to her HUSBAND'S profile. Which led to all of the tears and sudden irrational blame that she stole the life I should have had. Totally harmless.

The reality of her situation is she works for the THE graphic design firm in the country. Like... THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS at all. She found... captured... romantically fell in love with a guy - obviously now her husband - who not only wears glasses, newsboy caps AND PLAID simultaneously but appropriately! (We went to high school together - she was two years my junior)

Then I proceeded to have an adult temper tantrum, which is more or less stacking up offenses against yourself about what you could and could have done, did and didn't do, all while laying in the  middle of the floor with my eyes closed, breathing loudly. It's a place you enter but never really leave...

Eventually I did drag myself up... and into my bed. 

I can't change nor apologize for the life I've chosen to lead. I should celebrate my steps forward not question EVERY LITTLE THING. It's like seeing a pothole in the middle of the road and speeding up to make SURE you hit it. It shouldn't matter what my life is... even if it's truly terrible (which it isn't) I should never compare it to someone else's life. I'm basically asking for a mental breakdown. Also I should just REALLY stay off Facebook. Forever. 


p.s. I was totally feeling Sinead O'Connor-y when I wrote this blog title. Just go with it. 


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