Wednesday, July 18, 2012

SLW: On Being Fragile

I wrote this a long time ago and was hesitant to use it because... who enjoys talking about personal things. Anyways... here's to stretching myself a bit.
There is something to be said about womanhood. You are expected to be resilient and strong yet dainty and graceful. A lady in the streetz but a freak in da sheetz. I got called "an angry black woman" the other day for butting in on conversation. We fight for equality and expect the same rights and workload as a man (which I am all about) but there is something to be said about the fragility of being a woman.

The last (read: only) guy (read: douche) I dated, however EXTRA briefly, hated when I would get wound up about things, never hugged me when I cried and thought my obvious girl exaggerations were real. In reality I had changed myself to be someone I wasn't at all so it kinda wasn't all his fault - I wasn't Abby. But! it has taken me until right now (yes! right now!) to realize that being a little fragile is okay. We're all fragile in real life and buffer ourselves against... everything. Men and women included.

Having it all together all the time isn't... REAL. Usually the people that expect you to have it together are projecting their own state of being unkempt on you. I'm not saying that you need to be a blubbering mess EVERY DAY and chalk it up to "I-I-I *hiccup* I'm j-j-just fragile right n-n-noooooow" before bursting into more ugly cries. No... no one wants to see that. But as an adult... I am not in the career I'd like to be in. I don't have the life I want yet... and that's okay! Who says it's a requirement? The journey is the reward.

After my parents divorced I felt like I had to be strong all the time for my mom... well for my whole family really. It's only been recently where I've come to understand that I don't need to provide laughter to divert serious situations - and I am good at doing that.

I can be a little vulnerable. I can give up control... because I know to gain control I need to lose it. God takes over from there.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

SLW: sweet 16

Yesterday my only niece, Autumn, turned 16. It's crazy because her mom, myself and Autumn are all pretty much exactly 10 years apart. It's cray cray sauce. My mom... cried like a small child of course but we all felt the love.

Autumn came into the world gangly and awkward and wanting to eat. As a baby, whenever I would give her a kiss she would suck on my lips. I just considered it bonding time... She grew up around her mom, myself and my mom and quickly developed a sense of maturity beyond her years, which makes it hard to make friends who have the mental capacity of a rock. It's also known as high school girls.

Now I get to pass down the sage advice I wish I knew at 16... haha. not really. just some anecdotes for living life well from one single lady to another. I love you more than all of my Sharpies combined, niecesters!

Advice I wish I could tell my 16 year old self... and my 16 year old niece.

1. It really ISN'T that big of a deal at the end of the day. Just remember that. It's not that big of a deal. Apply to all areas of life.

2. That boy you like? Will either turn out to go nowhere in life, or be really successful later in life. So what I'm saying is WAIT to see if he's a complete dud before you go off the deep end for a dude who ends up working at movie theatre for the rest of his life (hey guys! real life story here.)

3. All the cool things you wanna do like learn to play guitar while sky diving off the coast of California? You should do that. For reals.

4. Do you have a dream college? The college that makes you feel all fuzzy and warm and happy? APPLY THERE. Don't think that it's out of your reach - it may be your perfect place! APPLY. APPLYYYYHYYYY

5. Trust in God. Forever and ever and ever. Coming of age means coming into independence you didn't know you had. Also, you are not meant to carry every burden alone. Just trust in God. Remind yourself of this daily.

6. Listen to your mother. It has to be said. Just cuz you're 16 doesn't discount the wisdom of a mom. For what it's worth listen to your brother too. He'll end up being your best friend. Siblings just want to be heard... however loud and obnoxious...

7. And now for the cliche clinchers that are totally real... REACH FOR THE SKY! NEVER STOP DREAMING! NEVER BE AFRAID TO CRY! CARTWHEELS IN THE GRASS! and all that... they're true though. they're good principles to live by. ESPECIALLY cartwheels in the grass. It'll get you through college.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

summer sickness

What is it about summer that makes the worst colds descend on you? I'm out sick today with swollen glands and a voice that apparently sounds like I'm on helium according to my co-workers. It is definitely NOT a sexy cold voice. But it makes no sense at least to me... If I'm gonna HAVE a cold I kind of want it to BE cold outside. It's only a balmy 105 here in Flossmoor and that is STUPID.

So I might have done a couple things. The first thing was... put on a flowy maxi skirt and a striped t-shirt to go to the store... and no underwear. Has anyone else done this when running to the store? I mean I was gonna be out for approximately 15 minutes and that skirt might be the one thing I'm going to live in ALL SUMMER soooo I feel no shame. The second thing was buy Snickers ice cream bars unabashedly. I never buy them! Ever! So what better time to get them when sick?! And they were on sale! Imagine if I were sick... and had to buy them... and they WEREN'T on sale!

My logic is clearly sound here. Not clouded at all by swollen glands & swollen nasal passages... and Sudafed Severe Cold & Sinus which seems to be... a very potent formula as I am now drowsy.

Stay cool today! It is seriously so hot it's beyond sense. What a good excuse to buy Snickers ice cream bars!!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


No SLW today... just lots of bar-b-que and sweet tea.

Happy 4th! 


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