Wednesday, April 9, 2014

SLW: reads

I made a mistake. I've been reading, slightly embarrassingly, this book about how "It's Not You" in terms of being single. It's by Sara Eckel and it's just dispelling the thoughts every single person has. "I'm too picky" or "I'm not trying hard enough" or "I'm too sad" or "I'm too focused on my career." It makes you feel like a normal human again and even helps you skirt past single shaming questions of "why are you single?" and "what's wrong with you?" with the response of "well, why are you married?" and "leave me alone." It was an insightful book with a lot of laugh out loud moments and some moments that made me FREAK. OUT.

For example: she meets her husband at 41 *gulps and moves on* and has to come to terms with the fact that she can either choose to have biological children or wait for the one. I stopped, put the book down, and went in a corner and cried for a while, because at 27 it never crossed my mind that I may not marry until well into my 40's or 50's and way past child bearing age. I want a literal brood of children, I've always wanted a lot of kids and that just... rocked my world. It's something I'm not ready to come to terms with yet. Hence all the tears and I KNOW I know. It's weird of me to freak out about something that hasn't even happened yet, events that haven't come to pass at ALL but! It IS something that hit me square in the face with a bit of reality.

I always think about Rachel, Jacob's wife, who prayed and prayed and prayed for a son only for her to finally have one and give him right back to God. I don't even know if I would have the strength to do that, but I do know that God hears me when I pray and I just need to trust him. Even while I continue to freak the heck out.

Also I think I'm gonna stop reading "self-help" books for... forever. and maybe just go live at church.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

SLW: a recant

Remember a while ago when I said, "When I leave my house I always look cute because I never know who I'll meet"...?


I had no idea the GUILT associated with saying that! As soon as I wear yoga pants out of my house I'm like "Aw I just missed my husband," or wear my ratty TOMS instead of my cute Gap flats, "Well you just missed your husband," or I didn't do my hair and went to Dairy Queen, "Dang girl you could have met your husband today." THESE ARE THINGS I THINK ABOUT. And it is TERRIBLE.

So here's a new statement. DO YOU GURL. Wear whatever the heck you want, maybe don't be naked, but let's all thank God that meeting "the one" isn't dependent on the fact that you went with generic glasses instead of Ray Bans. Actually I don't know if meeting someone is dependent on anything but just living life.


That is all.

p.s. You know the cute layered outfits pinned on Pinterest? Are they homeless, cuz they clearly don't spend their money on anything else BUT CLOTHES. I just... needed to say that.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

SLW: living life to the fullest!

There are a lot of adages for single people. Our manifesto if you will. Live life to the fullest (because you are alone). Accept happiness (because you don't have a person to make you happy). She turned her can't into cans and her dreams into plans (cuz eventually you'll just die alone). I believe there is a whole Pinterest category of hipster typographical phrases with either a background of mountains or stars or books. Pretty sure I've looked at all of them, late at night, while thinking about buying something from Anthropologie online at the same time.  

What about when you're in a bad place? When you're feeling a little lost? What if THAT is your fullest you can live at the moment? And can't that be enough?! A friend sent me an article that said accepting you're not happy isn't saying "Yes, I wanted this," it just IS what's going on. But you'll move on from there when that time comes. When that is... I wonder that every day. My manager is always upset that my response to, "How's it going??," is, "meh," followed by a shrug. It's the truth! I'm at a job I don't like and I'm not necessarily SAD but I sure as heck ain't jovial so a "meh" for your life is what you get. 

The thing I know is I WILL move on from this even though I'm in the thick of what seems like a forever transition period. Don't know what I should do with my life, maybe I laid down in the middle of the floor the other day and admitted to myself, that yeah I do REALLY want a frickin boyfriend. All I can do is get up, go to work, come home, shower and sleep only to do it all over the next day. This is how I'm getting through. This is my fullest and I'm okay with that. 

But also here are some quotes I found on Pinterest to lift your spirits a bit.





Wednesday, March 12, 2014

SLW: the lady doctor

Oh yes. We're about to go there.

I have read a few funny accounts of going to the gynecologist and they're all full of expletives. Who can blame them because you're effin naked in front of an effin stranger getting felt up. Things get real is all. 

Nurse: "Do you wanna get screened for HIV or any STD's?"
Me: "...Dooo you have to have sex to get those?"
Nurse: "Um. Yeah."
Me: "Mmkaythen noo."

This is my yearly bout of action I get - the closest to a "good time" I've ever been. Really, my doctor is super nice and very to the point, which in gynecology is a blessing. (I feel like small talk should just be banned until your fingers are OUT of my insides.)

"Have you ever fainted from the... Ya know... Odor down there?" I ponder silently. I tried to all but plant a rose garden in my Netherlands this morning. There is a special place in Heaven for people that willingly stick their face inches from hundreds of genitals that may smell really terrible for medical reasons. It's a really clean place in Heaven. Odorless. Lots of clouds. 

I always end up in fits of uncontrollable laughter mostly because the entire thing, while it's wholly medical, is also wholly ridiculous. The nurse points to the gown and says, "Opening to the front," and I was down for at least a minute when she left. While on the table, normal conversation is just... very much inhibited by the fact that her hands are on my boobs yet she's congratulating me on losing weight since I've seen her last. I opened my mouth to ask her out for maybe some coffee since we're so close but I thought against it. 

"Maybe I can qualify this as 'Go on a date' for my resolutions for this year..." 

Sunday, March 2, 2014

2014 Anthem Songs

So it's March. That's pretty real and I'm not actually sure how to handle it properly because YESTERDAY was January 1st. Yesterday.

I've been meaning to post my "anthem" songs for the year because a) I love music and b) it's fun to have a song you can belt out boldly. For example, all of Beyoncé's album I belt out in my CAR because maybe I'm slightly uncomfortable yelling about skittles (omg) in front of my mother mmkay?

Happy - Pharrell

I think this song is GROSSLY overplayed but it's so dang catchy that I'm almost mad at it.

I do this dance a LOT.

Golden - Jill Scott

This is just... THE JAM FOREVER. 1. Jill Scott is flawless 2. I like the message of the song 3. Have I mentioned that I want to BE Jill Scott?

Imagine me doing the running man to this and may it bring you JOY. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

SLW: social media + being single = early exhaustion

Navigating social media as a single woman is tiring.

I would like that to be the entire entry cuz that sentence speaks VOLUMES. Social media has become the driving force on how we make friends, maintaining relationships, STARTING relationships and it's just... a lot to deal with. I have friends who freakin love it and use it their advantage but just listening to them talk about it, again, is tiring.

If the Internet was a class I would totally get an A in it. As much as face to face communication can stress me out I do okay on social media - and there is definitely a balance.

Behold, a breakdown.


It is really easy to over share on Facebook because no one can see you without pants on and your hair all ratty. I am a serial defender, wielder of righteous anger. This status "......" INSTANT DEFRIENDING. Don't do that... don't be that person! I'm getting angry already just thinking about it! The ones who understand how to use Facebook place well timed, evenly spaced statuses or photos. It isn't a place for selfies. For example, I use Facebook to talk about food mostly because that's common ground and it isn't an over share. To the over sharing, over complaining posters? I see you and I'm side eyeing you.


I overuse Twitter, I will admit. I end up using it as an outlet for quick thoughts, quips and general witty things. When work is annoying me but I can't say "hey I work at this place and THIS PERSON is the worst" I tweet something vague and I feel better about things. It's a great way to repost something cool and interesting you see (whereas on Facebook it's an annoyance). It can be a way to market yourself but you really have to understand how to use it. There are a lot of people trying to break into social media marketing and... failing. Twitter is about timing. 3 to 4 things a day. Unless you're watching an awards show. (#OSCARS2014) Oddly enough people get to know me the MOST on Twitter. I've even made real friends through it. A+ for Twitter.


The ultimate way to show off a single person's perfect life. Ooo look at this fabulous food! Oooo I'm at Anthropologie! Oooo coffee shops in the sunlight with a pastry! I like the visual but I hate the pressure to never show the messy parts of life. Try to limit the selfies - in reality we care a lot less than you think. There's something to be said about commenting too. A well timed comment sometimes makes you a new friend. It's weird! EVERYTHING IS WEIRD.


For the attention starved. That's the only message I'm getting from it really. Except my nephew has it figured out and sends the most hilarious stuff! He learned all he knows from me.


Um...? Snippets of your life. I... yeah there's not much I can say about vine except I watch a lot of it and post very little. Give people a video snippet - even 6 seconds - and somehow a lot of them try to talk about sex. How does that work!?


I have a weekly, sometimes daily battle to join or not join OK Cupid or Tinder. I just get really lonely and I wanna download it. Then I wake up and realize IT'S NOT WORTH IT PEOPLE ARE CRAZY and I don't. Rinse, repeat, all week long. If I end up joining you will know. Oh, you'll know.

Please excuse me while I put tape over all my camera lenses, don a tin foil hat and lock myself in my house for forever. Send a carrier pigeon for help.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

SLW: two.fourteen

I wasn't going to share any thoughts about Valentine's Day because I'm single and that's so cliche for me to write a post every year about how everything is terrible (or something). And then when I finally get married (or something) I would write about how I had no idea how good Valentine's Day could be and how EVERY DAY is Valentine's Day and I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

I'm not even a little bit THAT GIRL. Praise the Lord.

Honestly my Valentine's Day was pretty good! I wore the brightest pink flower I could find in my hair which brightened my mood considerably. It is possible I was feeling a little lonely but we will not expound on that. Uh, I'm single! That happens. You just move on ya know? Like any other day.

More good things that happened: Forever 21 in the mall has plus sizes now and I got to buy my first summer dress of the year AND it was PAYDAAAY. I also took myself to Target after work on a date! With myself! It was WONDERFUL. I let myself roam the aisles - ALL the aisles - and buy whatever I felt led to buy, which ended up being a case of La Croix sparkling water, organic milk, and a bottle of Cholula. I freakin love Cholula. And because I am single, and I for that one moment I did what I really wanted, I totally just crop dusted the aisles. Yeah I just used the phrase "crop dusted" in this blog. New frontiers guys, new frontiers.

I wish I had taken a picture of the wine aisle, it was like a bomb had gone off including that single bottle of wine spinning on a shelf by itself as if someone had JUST run outta there.

All in all it was a lovely day because I refused to let it be anything else.



spring is coming

my living room at 10 this morning

Every day at 10AM we get about an hour of direct sunlight between apartments into each room. It's the con of apartment living, spending most of our day in the shade, but it's wonderful in the summer. We haven't had to buy an air conditioner yet because the heat of the day never reaches us. So I try not to complain too much. But when the light hits... it makes all the difference.

My little part of the world is finally thawing and melting a bit; stretching its arms heavenward and working out all the winter kinks. Preparing to wake.

FINALLY I feel like spring is coming.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

SLW: being an adult is weird.

I'm not sure when I'll qualify myself as an adult because I never feel like it EVER. I call my mom way too much - I mean she's like 1 of 7 people I actually enjoy so the rounds are small - and, probably just like everyone else, I feel like my life isn't TOGETHER. There really never is a point where you can put a flag in the ground and proclaim, "MY LIFE IS TOGETHER!" though I would totally love to for even a split second sometime in my life. *makes a mental note to buy a flag to put in the ground*

Sometimes I forget that gender equality is something to strive for and that Beyoncé exists because there are some things that I really want a GUY to do. Like... kill the roach the size of my foot or fix my car when it breaks. It happens in a minute, I suddenly have the vapors and wish I had a big strong MAN to take care of things. Of course I remember that Beyoncé DOES exist and I start singing "Independent Women pt. 1" and "Grown Woman" simultaneously and I feel better about my single hood. I think, more than anything, I hate feeling uncomfortable about things I'm not sure of. Yeah okay bugs scare me but I WILL kill them - just knowing they're alive means I will not SLUMBER or rest until that thing is VANQUISHED. Also I start talking like a person whose best friend is Shakespeare when I get righteous.

If we're being honest (and we always are), I still can't say the word "sex" without cringing/giggling/getting hot all over (but I mean I should be fine right?!). I had to tow my car and take it to a new mechanic today then came home and TOOK A NAP because that much action literally laid me low. Maybe eventually I'll meet a guy who understands the complex mystery that is exhaust pipes but I'm not gonna stop handling my own business - even if I have to lie down afterwards.

Because Beyoncé exists. hashtag//Yoncé 4eva.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

SLW: finding summer

First of all, look who has Wednesdays off again! But the trade off is I work Sundays now and that has made my heart sad. We can get into that later.

I feel like I, like most Chicagoans, have had a HUGE case of cabin fever this winter. This has been one of the hardest winters, not only because of the weather but because of plain BOREDOM. I'm so dang tired of snow drifts and the wind literally howling through my house and the perpetual dimness that hangs around. You can totally go away winter, you've overstayed your welcome.

Everyone, really, everyone, has been trying to beat the winter blues in their own way. Going to museums, scooting towards any beam of sunlight, or just plain denying the weather as a hinderance and going out to bars and clubs.

This morning I opened all the curtains in my house and welcomed the tiny bit of sun that peeks between apartment buildings. I picked up summer fruit from Whole Foods, like pineapple and watermelon and have been munching on that for a snack. Vitamin D aside I think pineapple is my winter pick-me-up. It's like biting into actual sunlight. I also bought raspberry lemonade and seltzer water - uh the best combo ever - and put it into a tall, thin glass… then I added an umbrella. I could have been on the beach at that very moment and you couldn't have told me otherwise.

There isn't much going on in Single Lady Land but the weather has fostered many a deep talks over drinks and food at bars and restaurants nearby. It's been nice getting to know new friends. Also, lots of Chinese take-out from the place I live behind. I just like… FORGOT I lived behind a Chinese take-out place for almost a year. No bigs.

The little bit of sun we're seeing today makes me want to be prepare the house for spring. It's coming, little house, don't lose hope. Why does my house get so messy in the winter? I throw everything on one chair and it stays there forEVER. It's so bad! I may actually put up my curtains in my room today, it only took almost a year. Again! No bigs. Stop with the judgy face.

This horrible season will pass. It's actually necessary for spring and new life to bud. I'm just veeeery ready for it.


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