the last train's gone we walk through the night

trying capture the feeling of bliss. even though my headphones are in it haha

I walked home from dropping off my mother's car at the mechanic and turned on my favorite song of the moment. At the same exact moment the 12 o'clock carillon at the church across the street started to toll hymns. It hasn't started snowing yet and everything is bright and wispy and chilled. I closed my eyes trying to soak up warmth from the sun and walked a bit like that... letting the music from the church blend with the music coursing through my ears and into my system. When I opened my eyes I realized I was crying.

It was one of those crazy pure moments that I just had to share.

go. do. : )

well Robyn Radio smacks me in the face again. I can only listen to half an hour of it a day before my 40 hour limit is reached for the month but... Here's an excerpt of lyrics to a song I've never heard before called Go Do by Jonsi that just completely inspired me down to my tippy toes.

Tie strings to clouds
Make your own lake - let it flow
Throw seeds to sprout
Make your own break - let it grow


You wish surprise, will never stop wonders
You wish sunrise, will never fall under
We should always know that we can do everything


Go do!

I love the dreamy aspect of life. God gave us dreams on purpose... put those dreams into action and go do it! Ah... I just completely love it. I'm definitely embracing my day dreaming side right now.

love it. : )

My Friday self

I'm a pretty uneventful person most times. Let's face it. I don't get out much. I'm not huge into the bar scene and I hardly get to be into the art scene because... I live at home. *nods* let's face reality. Even if I had my own apartment who is to say the Friday version of myself would be anymore exciting than say, my Tuesday self - who is a riot and does not get along with my Monday self... who is always tired.

So when I am with myself on a Friday I do the things I enjoy however mundane they may be. For example:

•knitting
•watching Check, Please! on PBS
•taking random naps
•watching pretty much any movie Nora Ephron or Nancy Meyers directed. They're completely brilliant. They just get the typical girl inside of every woman
•cleaning odd parts of my room like the bottom lefthand side of my closet floor
•baking cookies at 11pm in a tank top and slipper boots - I really enjoy baking late. I'm a night owl and it's amazingly therapeutic - another idea for the name of a bakery, Night Owl bakery. I wouldn't open til 5pm and close at 2am and only open Thursday-Sunday. TOTALLY brill.

Even though this list screams "foxy grandma!" im secure in my youth. I'd say my Friday self is quite alright with me :)

Happy Friday! (well Saturday morning) back to baking

tiny & idyllic

I just got back from my eye doctor (which is CONVENIENTLY located underneath my apartment) and it was pretty much the best time ever. I wish I was kidding. Anyway it inspired me to write a short extra crazy blog about why I love living in downtown Flossmoor.

yes this will be in bullet points.

yes just assume Robyn Radio is playing.

• everything but a grocery store is located downstairs. Insurance, travel brokers, 2 restaurants, THE TRAIN STATION
• lemme elaborate on how close the train station is. If I'm catching the 11:10 train I WAKE UP at 11. Is it anymore clear now? if I jumped out the window I'd land on the train. by the way how awesome would that be if i jumped out the window to catch the train?! 
• The library and the post office are also around the corner, which makes life so much easier for someone like me. I still mail things off late and the post office is literally 30 ft away. It's bad haha
• My eye doctor is also downstairs who I haven't seen in quite some time
• We ended up having a heartfelt conversation about the difference between AT&T and Verizon, MacBook Airs and the wonderful benefits of AppleCare - yeah that happened. She thanked me for the advice. She's gonna get a MacBook Pro. *nods* 
• Her daughter, Laura, went to the same highschool as I do - she doesn't remember me but she's seriously awesome
• She's also part of a band called iFightDragons - a band that takes the music from video games and makes awesome music from it - epic right? I know! I wanna be her best friend. no joke she's cool
• We all tried on glasses together after my appointment (my eye doctor included) and laughed and joked about eyewear chic
• Sweet Annie's - the bakery below my apartment - gave me a free pecan streusel muffin today because I had never tried it before
• They know me by name : )
• That makes my heart warm and makes me blush 
• You can tell me the wonders about Molly's Cupcakes or Swirlz or Sugar Bliss but Sweet Annie's red velvet cupcakes are LITERALLY the truth. THE TRUTH do you hear me?! I'll say no more

If I ever move (and we very well might) every town will have to be a comparison of downtown Flossmoor. It's been nothing but perfect for the past ten years of my life. 

In other news I took the stairs today twice! w00t! My jeans are also a little loose! EPIC AMAZING.

downtown Flossmoor - view from the library (via Instagram) love : )

digital love

Just a quick update to say, "Hey!" and I'm doing good.

Robyn radio on Pandora is still going strong.

I'm working on switching from pop to water... *takes a break to mindless chug down some ounces before I gag* <-- true story.

Reading French Milk by Lucy Knisley which is making me laugh. She is a funny cartoonist graduated from the Art Institute of Chicago and RISD pre-college program, which, of course, means I am soaking up this book in every way. It's about her adventures in Paris... in cartoon form. LOVE. IT.

Apparently I glow for a living now. *shrugs* who knew that could be a career goal.

I slept for like forever and half years today... then took a nap later in the day. Involuntarily. I was knitting and then I woke up half an hour later. Knitting is therapeutic but almost too much haha

I am trying to psych myself up to exercising a few minutes a day. My dvd player is broken (I'm a fan of Turbo Jam. for real though? try it.) which is giving me a bad excuse to NOT do anything. Maybe I should walk... tomorrow..... *looks away*

I get to go to my old eye doctor tomorrow! OK here's the reason why this is exciting. I live in an apartment in the downtown area of Flossmoor. There's an eye doctor below the apt (next to the bakery - Sweet Annie's) that I went to and they were super nice and had cool frames and then their insurance changed. Tré désolée. Then MY insurance carrier changed recently and we're back! WOO!!! It's the little things that make me happy. Clearly.

I am in a seriously snuggly mood today. Like it's intense. I've been having a staring contest with my bed for like 5 minutes now just thinking about it.

I love my random entries haha : )

i don't know if i should tell you this

I was reading over old blog entries last night and I briefly mentioned when I had a life of crime and stole something from Jewel. It's probably the funniest story ever... but a little personal... BUT I WANNA TELL IT SO BAD! Skip it. I'm gonna do it. Here goes...

About 2 years ago I worked for the Office of Marketing Communications at Olivet. I was running late that morning and speeding to work down 57 when I felt a little... squealchy. Squealchy isn't a word but... I feel like you understand what that word MEANS. *looks at your from over my glasses* so I was like "CRAP. I have to go to the store now cuz i have nothing with me. awesome."

I get off the road at my exit and head over to the Jewel by the university. I run in... head to the... ladies section and grab a packet of napkins and RUN to the bathroom in the store. I had already ripped the package open by the time I got there... sat down and put one on! And realized... that nothing was going on. I was all good. False alarm. Well now I had opened a package of sanitary napkins in a Jewel and now had to pay for something I didn't even need! So I walked around for a second with this opened package... before saying "I'M NOT PAYING FOR THIS!" stuffing in a random aisle behind something and walking out nonchalantly.

For the record I don't make a habit of stealing I just felt in this case it was needed and paying for it... was NOT needed because... in reality nothing was wrong.

I was trying to look inconspicuous while walking out of Jewel but I still felt super weird. I felt like people were staring at me too. I got out the door and looked down at my knee... and THERE IS THE SANITARY NAPKIN. ON MY KNEE. INSIDE MY PANTS. So there is what looks like a lumpy GROWTH on my knee... I FLIPPED out and started doing this crazy dance to shake it out from my knee. I'm sure if they have security camera's they laughed so hard they COULDN'T call the police. So I ended up shaking this sanitary napkin out of my pants (I'm laughing so hard right now) and discreetly threw it away in the garbage outside of Jewel.

Then I got in my car and drove to work where they didn't even notice I was late. So. Amazing.

Even though this was a while ago I'm laughing so hard right now... most ridiculous story EVER and it could only happen to me. Of course. Such is my life right? haha!

I hope your life has been enriched by this story of getting to know me better : )

and again.

dear everyone, after so many times of going thru the same thing just assume YOU'RE the stupid one. love, the stupid one. 

if i ever feel better

I'm not in an exactly wordy mood this evening. I can tell you that Robyn Radio on Pandora is SERIOUSLY amazing. and oddly insightful. Geeze Robs. Geeze. So I'll do yet another photo post. At least they're grood stuffs. Eh? Forgiven rite?! moving on.

I found this room inspiration on graphic-exchange and I'm pretty sure I need to find where ever this is... swiftly remove the owner and live here. Just. Saying.

the bike. the mac. the bookshelf STUFFED with books. the pocket doors. TRUE. LOOOOVE. oh this room makes my toes wiggle. TOE wigglin' good.

want it, live it, love it

via Mel Stringer

true that man. 

abbyblujay - a brief history.

for those that know me at work and/or follow me on Twitter I'm abbyblujay. a name made up randomly one day when i thought about my first and middle name (it's Joanna) and how my mother always calls me AJ. Somehow my love of birds (their symbolism and NOT their physical form) literally swooped down into the mix and abbyblujay was formed.

...hello.

nice to meet you!

my friend Maggie stumbled upon this tonight on Etsy and if I could ever personify my name it would be in this picture. No doubt. I want this print so bad!

via carambatak on Etsy

keep up

hey all ten of you subscribed to this blog (bahaha... *wipes tear* amazing.) i have a new blog for you to read!

It's called Keeping Up with Dia - a sweet, newly formed blog about the adventures of my manager Dia in California. Well she's technically NOT my manager anymore she's... my new friend Dia : ) turns out she's a awesome writer. Simplistic and very thoughtful... completely different than the hating of pants and liking of coats over here with me. It's like sitting down to drink a cup of hot tea after a long day - you feel SUPER relaxed when reading. I'm also finishing her handwarmers as we type! w00t

Head on over! you won't be disappointed and I might even pop up on there someday... ya know when I visit. Yeah... that's happening. Prepare for that k?

the new breed

I'd like to introduce to you the newest genre of people. The hot black artsy hipster nerd. Welcome to my life. Every time I say it I think of "Will&Grace"s 'hot gay nerd' which makes me giggle lots. But really that's the new generation of people on the rise. It's kind of awesome. When I say kind of I mean really.

Traits to look for:

• being African-American (...obviously?!)
• people might call you an oreo on a daily basis - hi. my life. 
• you own more scarves than pairs of jeans - shopping tip? H&M keeps their stock FRESH. 
• We love Targets. But really as a general rule who doesn't love Target? If you don't you're soul-less. but for real.
• we're pretty open about our love of Starbucks. but also enjoy supporting local/organic eateries 
• EXTRA love local artists and art movements in general
• strong magnetic personalities - made way more awesome by the fact that you have to push your glasses up on your nose. not sayin? just sayin.
• favor glasses over contacts - obvs. 
• having multiple pairs of prescription glasses to match outfits
• guaranteed a pair of those are red (or you REALLY want them to be. secretly.)
• lots of plaid. SO much plaid?! 
• 2 or more pairs of TOMS
• you either have a tiny cute nose ring, tattoo or both
• your hair is natural (mine is seasonally natural... do i still count? i SO count. pfft.)
• you're still SUPER awkward! haha hey guys... have you met me? cuz... oh man haha... just... WOO! so awkward is my ENTIRE life - sweet.
• generally their job will reflect said nerdiness/awesomeness status - Apple, local coffee shops, anywhere in Wicker Park... that sort of thing
• continually up-to-date with technological culture (iPhones, iPads, Macs)
• revel in the vintage aspect of the products they buy as well - it's a balance : ) 
• loves finding creative outlets and ways to refresh and reset their life and surroundings

now the hot black artsy hipster nerd (I'm gonna affectionately shorten this to h-bahn) is not to be confused with the attractive black trendsetter but we're almost in the same category. we don't care about trends... which oddly enough makes us trendsetters. it's completely brilliant.

i laugh too loudly. i have dimples. i look off to the side a lot. i told a woman today that if she weren't there i'd just be walking around talking to myself about how awesome our products are. she hugged me. probably out of sympathy. *nods* so yeah. we're a rare find... which is why we're awesome.

but for real.

swimming upstream

Ever feel like you work so hard for something just so you can make a lateral move? Not even a FORWARD move but one step... to the side. That's where I am right now. I feel like I have to fight and fight and fight just to stay afloat but move nowhere. It is beyond frustrating. I guess growth isn't meant to be fun and awesome. It just seems like some people have it really easy that's all.

Going to make a second cup of tea now. Yes please.

A Year-in-Review

January: lots of goals set like taking a road trip, going to Rhode Island, started BAKING for the first time in my life all thanks to a dormant gene and Joy the Baker, my brother came home from AZ, still working at, then, Eden and things were just starting to get a little bit beyond ridiculous

February: made more things! like Red Velvet Black & White cookies and Herbes de Provence fries - again all from Joy. She like ran my baking life for a good... FOREVER. Also found super cute blog Color Me Katie who inspired me to love construction paper again. Eden became Jonathan Kane and induced lots of tears on my part and crazy amounts of transitions. Got a second job that actually made me HAPPY.

March: Relatively quiet month, still my favorite part of the job happened - CORE. It was idyllic... things in real life really aren't idyllic so that always sticks out as a high point for me. Salted Chocolate and Vanilla Bean cookies happened. oh yeah. they HAPPENED. lots of engagements! *maid of honor!* nuts.

April: things started to pick up at job #2... couple launches happened... i was on phones for one of them... i may have cried that day. multiple times. again light month.

May: way too many birthdays! got my nose pierced! it fell out. *sigh* went wedding dress shopping with the bride, worked from May 18th to June 28th without a day off between both jobs... and somehow lived to tell the tale! started a CRAZY diet from satan.

June: Got my nose pierced again! it stayed in this time *yaaaay* things toughened at job #2, way too many tears at work, found The Pioneer Woman and another abigail blogger vanilla&lace who changed my foodlife for the better. new hires came to job #2... no longer a n00b! oh! my sister came to visit... for a long time.

July: I posted maybe twice that month. Got my iPhone 4! a literal high point for me. we got married. we separated for a while but not by choice! that comes in November... stay tuned! started to pull my hair out (just... go with me here ok?) made an instant friend...

August: boom crash FAILURE. haha such is my life. c'est la vie. realized i wanted to go to Rhode Island REAAAALLLY REAAALLY BADLY and started an initiative for it. Lots of knitting... which is a good thing! made a public statement about pants being the devil.

September: Katherine's wedding happened aka the most perfect wedding i've EVER been to, Renegade happened and lots of artsy things were gotten there that weren't able to be hung until now. realized i really freaking love to hug. made a philosophy on them - a "hug school" if you will.

October: started baking/knitting again in earnest! job #2 became job #1 and job #1 got DROPPED. relief. what. a freaking. relief. that "boom crash FAILURE" up in August? happened multiple times over again. It's STILL happening. It's kind of ridiculous can I just tell you that? Just know. It's SUPER ridiculous. Brudders moved out!

November: iPhone STOLEN *insert Noir text tone here... play it... it totally fits!*, denied a position with new job #1 for the second time. enter sad void of emotion Abby. enter Abby pushes everyone away to the point that it almost worked. i really didn't care at one point. i was gonna quit. and MOVE. that didn't happen though. Blueberry Cobbler got off the ground! the end of this month brought a face smashing "crash boom failure." Knocked me out and down for the count. out and down. did i NOT tell you it was ridiculous ALL of the time?! oh ok i did. good. Rhode Island plans broke down... til next year. Pooh.

December: well holiday season. duh? haha decided to make plans again regardless of the consequence. baked a RIDICULOUS amount of Christmas cookies with my mother (at LEAST 10 dozen) started the change1 initiative for myself. its working so far! as always learned to trust God... cuz I'm not so good! : )

This year's grade is a solid C. This year was REALLY hard. I omitted a lot that you don't even need or WANT to know. Just know this year was... one of the hardest.

I'm excited to see what the next year brings though. I still get the feeling that there's so much OUT there to see! Eventually I will make it to RISD. eventually I will stop failing at relationships multiple times over and eventually I will surrender my WHOLE self to God. When that happens... oh my world will change. High-fiving a million angels HAH!