no aiah aiah...

I just want to say that No Air is the favorite song of mine and my niece Autumn. WHy? dunno. Just is. Accept it.

So recently... I mean like the past few weeks things have turned around. The very thing I wanted to happen did almost... to completion and things are looking up it seems. The first instance it was really shocking I didn't see it coming at all and it was actually really touching. And! because it wasn't that horrible of a misdemeanor things automatically went back to how they were as if nothing had ever occured (it helps to forgive). The second occurance was... not actually shocking at all. I don't know I wasn't expecting it? But I also wasn't surprised when it came ya know? And it triggered all this anger harbored in some deep recess of my heart. I honestly don't know where it came from but it flared up like fire upon reaction. So... I also responded except I took no care to sugar coat anything I'm way past sugar coating the truth. And... now things are once again at a standstill. And I don't think I have forgiven yet.

A good friend once told me that some friends are in your life for a season... and some friends are for life. Once upon a time I thought I found a lifetime friend but looking back I was sooo fooling myself. I had really started to accept the seasonal friend thing except I felt like I had learned no lesson from that person... but that's not true I learned so many things about myself. So now THIS happens. It's like... things happen, things explode, things come back together, things happen, things explode, things come back together and I'm stuck in this cycle of "friendship" that I don't even know if I'm supposed to be in! What if this was supposed to be seasonal and it's trying to morph into something it's not. I wish I knew all the answers. I wish there were no risks involved in friendships. I also wish people would THINK before they act or speak. But.. life doesn't work that way... unnnfortunately.

It's time to go to Sonic haha... but for now I remain

Pensive,