Friday, November 21, 2008

my my my

A friend just told me how different things are from just 1 year ago.

Couldn't. Agree. More.

In my own life things are... like... I can't even describe them! haha a year ago I was busy up to my eyeballs and spiraling... literally spiraling... yearbook the soul sucker itself was taking up my life and I was trying to create pieces that just WOULDN'T come. And that was when I decided some people were so crazy I needed counseling. Which is odd! Since THEY were crazy and I was not. All the same. It ended up helping and not helping at the same time. Well let's just say it helped more than hurt and I made a friend.

Last year I had a friend... and got a few more... and a couple more... all the while being eaten alive and not even knowing it. I was pretty much clinically depressed for a good chunk of January. No one knew why and I couldn't tell them... and then things eventually EXPLODED. and here i am today... graduated, JOBLESS, and virtually healed from all scars from last year.

Not all things are horrible now... there are still bad moments especially thinking I'm a failure... yesterday was a bad day. sometimes I feel like there is some aspect of my life that I'm living completely wrong... so God won't give me a job until I get that right. Or I've done something wrong and I can't get a job... and I know the economy's bad but people still have JOBS. Ya know? And I pray for a friend instead of gaining friends that destroy me.. which is where I was a year ago on the way to certain destruction. When things fell apart I thought I was BEING destroyed but God had to break it in order for me to actually come through it.

So you never know why things are the way they are or why they seem to fall apart at the exact moment you need them NOT to but God has a plan. it may not be clear to you at that moment... or 3 months after or 6 years after but it's there. That plan will be amazing.

And then again it comes down to TRUST GOD. me... with the trust issues... maybe if I stop seeing God as a man. I think of guys as someone who will eventually let me down. I think I just hit the heart of the matter.

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