2AM ramblings

Have you ever been up in the middle of the night just thinking? It's 2:11am and I'm awake reading a book. 

I have a musical coping mechanism. Whenever my brain is overwhelmed with thoughts the thinking side of myself shuts down.Instead a song is supplied until I get to a state where I can effectively think. That time is right now. But for the past few hours the playlist in my head has been this:
•AM/FM Sound by Matt&Kim
•Diamond Dave by The Bird and the Bee
•Lady Killer (intro)
In small rotation. It's the weirdest thing and I never noticed it until recently when I was ASKED to lend thoughts to an overwhelming situation and I couldn't. I could only sing a tinny pop song. Makes me seem really aloof and detached. I apologize for anyone baffled by that. Shoot IM baffled. 

Now that I'm able to think... I've been feeling pretty "meh" lately. I'm feeling like a sack of nothing. Like wasted space. It is frustrating. I think I've given up on boys, boyfriends, relationships, marriage and the like because I'm not so great at that either. I think the less I pursue the more the eventual opportune person will be... brought to my attention. So that's frustrating too. I'm just a ball of frustrated LOL. I would throw myself into my work but when I do it backfires. I'm a people pleaser. I spend more time trying to figure out how to please the "important" people instead of taking initiative and action and lead, which, is what pleases them. (mmmDUUUUH!) so. It's like an incessant cycle of doing the wrong thing. *thumbs up* love it! Syke! 

Ok now (ok... now) I've hit the sleepy point. 

Good evening.