drip drip drop

i had a whole title picked out but then "move along" by All-American Rejects popped into my head and I lost it.

which makes me think of the kid on Animaniacs who always runs out to the front of the screen and tells a story like this: "okay see so this one time i had a dream that i was in a pool floating on my back and i had this life raft next to me and it was talking and when i woke up?..... i was in the kitchen sink and the dog was licking my face." and then he runs back into the house. thats how the above story went.

i'm going to pick up the small ones today for a weekend o' fun. sort of. i have to bring my car into the shop tomorrow for an oil change... whoopee cushion...

i'm slightly stressed out and i'm trying not to be... funds are low i really need a job and i'm praying i just... have bills thats all that no one else can take care of cuz i'm 22 and not 12... its hard to be my normal chipper random self when i'm worried about paying for parking and insurance and student loans... oh God please help me...

my lips hurt... ok. i'm goin home to... eat? i believe... and then pick up the little ones.

lovefluv.

moo with me

first off... here: http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/17589970/detail.html

everyone needs to see this. EVERYONE. it immediately brightened my entire day. the WHOLE day.

Sooo whats going on in my life right now? besides the whole family thing... which i'm beginning to think is an on going thing and i just have to learn to deal with it.

I am definitely still looking for a job so... there that is...

hmmm what else... there is this creepy guy at church... i don't know why i feel the need to talk about him but he really irks me. he comes around my mom too much and i don't like it... mostly cuz hes CREEPY and he knows i'm ready to beat him down in a moments notice... but i won't i'm just READY to. Poised. POISED. ok i'm moving on. I DO love Jesus y'all.

I rearranged a couple pieces in my room. I took A Bird's Song down and replaced it with the two 11 by 17's... I like them better. That and I didn't feel like staring at it any more. I am ok but sometimes it just reminds me of things I don't want to think about. It faces the wall now on the side of my dresser.

It's fall! Which of COURSE means it's Norah Jones time. We are truly bff's. I even have on my vest today. My fingers are freezing while I'm typing but thats cool. really. its more cold than cool.

I'm hungry and I say it's peanut butter, jelly time.

the terrifying best

so! I am still in Bourbonnais my stomach now filled with blue slush and pizza which i'm sure will come up and thank me later with a firm handshake and a slap in the face.

I went to the football game tonight which was thoroughly... well it was not enjoyable it was rather mediocre besides the newly vamped up marching band which i'm proud to say has 12 flutes haha. but um... yeah! i mean it was nice seeing some people this weekend... it was NOT nice being ignored by people you thought were genuinely nice... then again the art department has not had a rep for producing... STELLAR people (personality wise... meh and art wise why not). So that was... i don't know it wasn't eye opening it was just... confirmation lets call it.

I don't plan on visiting often. Seriously the creepy Olivetians that come back after 2 years... ok i may come support the band (OF COURSE) but i won't visit for the sole purpose of camraderie. Everyone gets cycled out of this place. Everyone gets replaced by newer faster running models of themselves and everyone will be forgotten. Unless you are a planned giver. Ok i sound bitter... but honestly? I'm not. It was time to leave when I left... and i'm stuck in purgatory finding a job waiting to move on and refusing absolutely refusing to go backwards.

I don't want to make it seem like I can't ever move on or something I just... haha people surprise me that's all.

that's all.

last train home got to get on it

So currently I'm sitting at a friends computer updating my blog. believing that i blog here. and listening to blog number 28 of Immi Heap. Everytime EVERYTIME i hear a sample of her album... i just... my chest tightens and I get all worked up and I want her cd to be out RIGHT NOW right now i just can't wait for it. she's so amazing. immi immi immi.

So anyway more on my life adventures. I've been kind of depressed a little lately? Just because of things... you know things we deem as normal every day things that frustrate us. well i went to church the day i felt a little down (even my mom noticed) and this guy Larry Hutton (side note... my mom and I thought Ron Hutch was coming... Ron Hutch being... a fake person who is really Larry Hutton) came to speak about how we can have peace.

The thing is we've heard (or i feel we've heard) the message about how Christians need to have peace and things like that but he put it really simply and it was amazing. Jesus died... Jesus DIED. Jesus... died... was dead... so he could give us peace. He bore all sickness... but not just sickness he bore emotions... all of them ALL OF THEM so we could have peace and be happy. And yeah we hear that so much but... do we even get it? someone took on all the 'bad days' the days of frustration of worry of feeling lonely, sad and unwanted and not worthy of any ones love... he took that and DIED for it.

how... how can we not have peace? its there its instilled in all of us we just have to grasp it. someone DIED so we could feel wanted and loved and never alone! it brings tears to my eyes. feeling depressed is a choice that i don't have to be. I mean seriously. If you feel those feelings coming on you CAN say no to them cuz they are something trying to attack them.

Right now I'm looking at the Amplified version of John 16:33 which says: "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have perfect peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted! For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you." He conquered all those things on the cross... just so we could feel good and have a happy life walking with Him.

So whenever I feel down I can say to my body (because God gave me the dominion to rule over my body and mind) I can choose to have peace and choose to be happy. I swear to bob its so much more funner. :0)

thinkin',

not ready to make nice?

i'm not a huge fan of the dixie chicks but i feel the title was appropriate. the question mark... its cuz i'm not a huge fan of the dixie chicks...

anyway. so for the last few days i've been a complete load. i've done NOTHING but knit. and eat and come to the library only to go home and knit and eat some more. i swear to bob. its not good. why is job hunting so... not fast paced. i mean it takes a lot but in the middle... the waiting? theres NOTHING! nothing. so... i've had a lot of time to ponder life in a general sense haha. and all sorts of memories start just... popping up in my brain and somehow... SOMEHOW i've come to the conclusion that i'm way too nice. so far... in my social life i've been bowled over by friends that walk all over me or friends that turn into... i don't know what they turn into but they end up walking all over me too... i spend my days thinking about what the other person may need while that samem person is thinking of what only they may need. its kind of... it happens a lot. and i could get all mad and write in capital italicized letters that i'm not going to put up with it anymore and this is the end of me being nice and considerate but thats never going to happen. i am a chick who enjoys listening haha... and doing stuff for other people... and accomodating and i will probably always be 'the giver' in the relationship. i guess i'm just trying to come to terms with it.

i've got a lot more to worry about like... how the heck i'm going to get a job haha and pay off bills... i shouldn't be worrying about not having anyone to talk to or having a significant other. whatever. haha... i'm doing such a good job at acting like i don't care....

anyway. i get to regress for a few days over the weekend traveling back to olivet hoping i avoid some people but am prepared anyway to see the entire Lollipop Guild. and i'm ok with it. :0) i'm mostly there for the marching band but stay for the people haha

well. i've clearly ventured enough for today... i totally forgot i was listening to music... i just like woke up and the weepies were playing... wHeird.

hold me close young tony danza

So I've been thinking for a few days about what to write in here. And how I said I would only write my aventuras and things of that nature. but my entire life in an adventure i've realized and people need to know about it. It is a precarious balancing act for you to be popular but have no one really know who you are. That is my life in a nutshell... except I'm not popular any more haha so it makes it easier... i guess. but the point is i'd like people to know me and things that go on with me and stuff like that. today won't be so heavy like 'i totaly almost diiied the other day' it'll be more like a day in the life haha

So my entire life... the friends I've made have been white. That is not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination... it's just who I relate more with... i can be myself a little easier... but usually that process involves all sorts of questions about my HAIR. I'm serious. 'how does it stay so soft? why isn't it like ours? you don't wash your hair everyday?! is it cuz black people are dirty....' i wish i was kidding. but i'm not. at all. so! here I am to explain the process (PROcess) of my hair and why its so intensive. just so you know and people can stop asking haha
Step. ONE. - hair becomes nappy... hmm... it's time to wash haha
TWO! - wet.
THREE... - wet again cuz it kind of just DRINKS water... like a sponge.
fore! - add sap moss - ummmmmmmm its from Aveda and it just helps your hair. not ACTUAL sap... and... moss...
phive - re...wet.
sixtour - soap... lets save some steps... soap again... and again... AND AGAIN cuz it won't lather...
seven - rinse repeat approximately 3 times. 4 if you've missed a week. *shrugs* it happens yo.
jon and kate plus.... - add... conditioner... wait. 15 minutes
niner - rinse out conditioner... yes. rinse it OUT. then put in leave in conditioner.
ten - oil the scalp and blow dry...
There was actual SMOKE coming out of the blow dryer thats how hot i had that thing... it was insanity.

so... theres like 90 extra steps in the styling of my hair... i left out a bunch just cuz it would make no sense to most people. haha

now I am off to put gas in my Libby and go to borders to steal knitting patterns without paying for them... :0)

fluv!

at the carwash

I'm currently staying at my sisters house for a few days... oh Valencia. er... Hinsdale.

I can't really tell you whats going on with my family right now? but i can give you my current thoughts :0)

• I have a wedgie the size of the great state of Texas


• I believe the librarian behind me has been inspecting said wedgie for going on 20 minutes now


• My legs are caveman hairy. but they are out because its raining. and my pants are long


• I believe the librarian behind me is also inspecting said caveman hairy legs and writing them in her memoirs.


• I broke out the GULP'D today (Ginormous Polka Dotted Umbrella of Life)


• Currently listening to Putumayo Presents: Paris at the moment. love!love!


• Wishing I could listen to blog 28 from Imogen Heap


• Cable knit scarves are really easy. And I'm going home to work on it.


• Wondering how people can be so stupid - "i think he's attracted to me but he has a girlfriend..." ah the makings of affairs and daytime television

Dance in the rain today!

it's been a long time - we shouldn't have left you...

so! I haven't written in here forever... there have been numerous accounts of times I could have written in here like that one awesome shopping trip... that one time I went downtown... and that other time i stole something from Jewel but! not this time today is my last day of work! and i feel since i gave a running commentary on my day on the first day... there should be a conclusive one on the last day of work... so here starts the first couple minutes of the day :0)

8:59 AM - I am writting this blog... clearly (*OBviously*) and waiting to pop in Prison Break so I can illegally watch it during work. I have run out of work. All work is finished. They have closed the gate. We cannot escape. by the by... I look good today. Everyone should know this. later gator!

9:09 AM - 3 words. Iced. Cof.Fee.

9:41 AM - PAUSE! Watching Prison Break - FREAKING OUT because its so intense. There's a riot at the jail and they ALL BROKE OUT and they're trying to get this woman and... its just so crazy. so i paused it... because I really need a commercial break from our sponsors. 

9:51 AM - In other news I got a little bit of work... updating but work all the same and I'm happy for it. Sorry I'm posting so dang much I'm SO bored. And I forgot my journal... and i just took my headphones off cuz theres a RED DOT POINTING AT HIS CHEST - i had to pause it haha

11:09 AM - today is going to be more eventful than i... realized haha. still watching Prison Break but now... I have to pee. I'm treating myself to shrimp fried rice for lunch and rangoons for dessert and... coffee? maybe just a very small sugar free amount of coffee... mabye i'll start my letter. mabye iiii will. after i pee.

11:50 AM - to the Aurora Office one last time - people astound me.

12:48 PM - done. now i'm eating shrimp fried rice and of course... watching MORE prison break. i'm... ready to go... 

2:55 PM - almost finished! just had my last team meeting... they're so nice... i'll miss Donnie the most... now burning a disc for my last proyecto

3:52 PM - So long, farewell, good bye auf weidersehen i'd like to stay and taste my first champagne... yes? no. :0) It's time to GO. its been real... and its been fun... sometimes it was real fun... and other times it was just real. I'm leavin. and I'm taking these dang headphones with ME! peaccccce

antarctica

So I'm watching this documentary on illustrators and graphic designers working together making a project called Serious Play and it really makes you think. 

I wish I had gone to an art school. My life would have been completely different. I probably would have been ripped apart but I might have come back together with my own style you know? 

I don't regret the people I've met the choices I've made but there is always that tiny inkling of... 'what if...' and i'm sure thats everyone. 

I feel like i need a close art partner... someone who doesn't want to compete with you... who doesn't want to secretly rip you off like half the art students at my alma mater and just want to help you grow and you help them grow. I think I could become fast friends with this imaginery perfect person. I don't feel nurtured as an artist I feel coddled like a baby. Like I'm way behind in my art and way ahead in my mind... it's a horrible paradigm

lately i've felt kind of in a floaty place. where i'm not really here nor there about anything not really mad or sad in terms of one topic or the other but i'm starting to get to a certain point:

Lots of people happen to be class A idiots.

You talk they don't listen, help they don't take it, love they don't want it, reach out they pull back. So whats the point? after a while you get tired of reaching, loving, talking, helping. The Bible says people need discipline because they don't understand words. Which is true... someone can tell you 'YOU NEED HELP' all you want but until you discipline your mind into changing... you stay the same. I'm not speaking to one person in particular... and if i was? It wouldn't matter because it wouldn't help. the first jump sets everything in motion. take the jump already JUMP otherwise you end up wih nothing... over... and over... and over again

I've been thru the desert on a horse with no name

So I have a real adventure for ya! I got a car! It's probably the worst ordeal i've been through transaction wise. The payment was smooth but transferring the title was crazy. it probably would have gone relatively smoothly if they had a) told us there were fees up front and b) if we had a lady that understood the complex workings of technology. My dad tracked the time and we got there at 8 and left at aboout 9:15. *nods* I really want to give you a play by play of my experience. I promise you I will never EVER forget it... and in the future I bet i'll be friends with her. 

This! is the jist of my dealings with her... pretty much what she said the entire time. 

8:00 - may i help you? license please? title please? *time slows down* now... what... where do i enter... this here. JUDY! JUDY! I entered... this... but it says... oh I put it in the wrong spot? can i have your social...? *tip.... tap... tap...* 

8:15 - Ok now I need your phone number... mhmm... mhmm 2-3? oh 2-1... JUDY!!! now do i just scroll down? you know i'm new... and they trainin me... you can't be mad just be patient with me...  JUDY!

8:45 - You tryin to mess with me? Cuz i'm new... we aren't in Kane County! I put a C... but it came up Kane! I DID scroll down now Judy don't mess with me! whats your phone number again? 

9:00 - We almost done... theres a light at the end of the tunnel *of HORRIBLENESS* oh ok... exit... i did that! Judy I did that! I gotta get the receipt? oh... sign here... and here... now you know I'm new right? Do you have a job? (yes) did they have to train you? (no.) you're very lucky... cuz i have to be trained... 

by that time i could have lain on the floor and screamed. all day. but i just wanted to leave. and THEN after that giant ordeal they rushed us out of there! HAHA. 

"oh squiggly line in my eye fluid... oh squiggly line."