Wednesday, September 17, 2008

not ready to make nice?

i'm not a huge fan of the dixie chicks but i feel the title was appropriate. the question mark... its cuz i'm not a huge fan of the dixie chicks...

anyway. so for the last few days i've been a complete load. i've done NOTHING but knit. and eat and come to the library only to go home and knit and eat some more. i swear to bob. its not good. why is job hunting so... not fast paced. i mean it takes a lot but in the middle... the waiting? theres NOTHING! nothing. so... i've had a lot of time to ponder life in a general sense haha. and all sorts of memories start just... popping up in my brain and somehow... SOMEHOW i've come to the conclusion that i'm way too nice. so far... in my social life i've been bowled over by friends that walk all over me or friends that turn into... i don't know what they turn into but they end up walking all over me too... i spend my days thinking about what the other person may need while that samem person is thinking of what only they may need. its kind of... it happens a lot. and i could get all mad and write in capital italicized letters that i'm not going to put up with it anymore and this is the end of me being nice and considerate but thats never going to happen. i am a chick who enjoys listening haha... and doing stuff for other people... and accomodating and i will probably always be 'the giver' in the relationship. i guess i'm just trying to come to terms with it.

i've got a lot more to worry about like... how the heck i'm going to get a job haha and pay off bills... i shouldn't be worrying about not having anyone to talk to or having a significant other. whatever. haha... i'm doing such a good job at acting like i don't care....

anyway. i get to regress for a few days over the weekend traveling back to olivet hoping i avoid some people but am prepared anyway to see the entire Lollipop Guild. and i'm ok with it. :0) i'm mostly there for the marching band but stay for the people haha

well. i've clearly ventured enough for today... i totally forgot i was listening to music... i just like woke up and the weepies were playing... wHeird.

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