at the carwash

I'm currently staying at my sisters house for a few days... oh Valencia. er... Hinsdale.

I can't really tell you whats going on with my family right now? but i can give you my current thoughts :0)

• I have a wedgie the size of the great state of Texas


• I believe the librarian behind me has been inspecting said wedgie for going on 20 minutes now


• My legs are caveman hairy. but they are out because its raining. and my pants are long


• I believe the librarian behind me is also inspecting said caveman hairy legs and writing them in her memoirs.


• I broke out the GULP'D today (Ginormous Polka Dotted Umbrella of Life)


• Currently listening to Putumayo Presents: Paris at the moment. love!love!


• Wishing I could listen to blog 28 from Imogen Heap


• Cable knit scarves are really easy. And I'm going home to work on it.


• Wondering how people can be so stupid - "i think he's attracted to me but he has a girlfriend..." ah the makings of affairs and daytime television

Dance in the rain today!

it's been a long time - we shouldn't have left you...

so! I haven't written in here forever... there have been numerous accounts of times I could have written in here like that one awesome shopping trip... that one time I went downtown... and that other time i stole something from Jewel but! not this time today is my last day of work! and i feel since i gave a running commentary on my day on the first day... there should be a conclusive one on the last day of work... so here starts the first couple minutes of the day :0)

8:59 AM - I am writting this blog... clearly (*OBviously*) and waiting to pop in Prison Break so I can illegally watch it during work. I have run out of work. All work is finished. They have closed the gate. We cannot escape. by the by... I look good today. Everyone should know this. later gator!

9:09 AM - 3 words. Iced. Cof.Fee.

9:41 AM - PAUSE! Watching Prison Break - FREAKING OUT because its so intense. There's a riot at the jail and they ALL BROKE OUT and they're trying to get this woman and... its just so crazy. so i paused it... because I really need a commercial break from our sponsors. 

9:51 AM - In other news I got a little bit of work... updating but work all the same and I'm happy for it. Sorry I'm posting so dang much I'm SO bored. And I forgot my journal... and i just took my headphones off cuz theres a RED DOT POINTING AT HIS CHEST - i had to pause it haha

11:09 AM - today is going to be more eventful than i... realized haha. still watching Prison Break but now... I have to pee. I'm treating myself to shrimp fried rice for lunch and rangoons for dessert and... coffee? maybe just a very small sugar free amount of coffee... mabye i'll start my letter. mabye iiii will. after i pee.

11:50 AM - to the Aurora Office one last time - people astound me.

12:48 PM - done. now i'm eating shrimp fried rice and of course... watching MORE prison break. i'm... ready to go... 

2:55 PM - almost finished! just had my last team meeting... they're so nice... i'll miss Donnie the most... now burning a disc for my last proyecto

3:52 PM - So long, farewell, good bye auf weidersehen i'd like to stay and taste my first champagne... yes? no. :0) It's time to GO. its been real... and its been fun... sometimes it was real fun... and other times it was just real. I'm leavin. and I'm taking these dang headphones with ME! peaccccce

antarctica

So I'm watching this documentary on illustrators and graphic designers working together making a project called Serious Play and it really makes you think. 

I wish I had gone to an art school. My life would have been completely different. I probably would have been ripped apart but I might have come back together with my own style you know? 

I don't regret the people I've met the choices I've made but there is always that tiny inkling of... 'what if...' and i'm sure thats everyone. 

I feel like i need a close art partner... someone who doesn't want to compete with you... who doesn't want to secretly rip you off like half the art students at my alma mater and just want to help you grow and you help them grow. I think I could become fast friends with this imaginery perfect person. I don't feel nurtured as an artist I feel coddled like a baby. Like I'm way behind in my art and way ahead in my mind... it's a horrible paradigm

lately i've felt kind of in a floaty place. where i'm not really here nor there about anything not really mad or sad in terms of one topic or the other but i'm starting to get to a certain point:

Lots of people happen to be class A idiots.

You talk they don't listen, help they don't take it, love they don't want it, reach out they pull back. So whats the point? after a while you get tired of reaching, loving, talking, helping. The Bible says people need discipline because they don't understand words. Which is true... someone can tell you 'YOU NEED HELP' all you want but until you discipline your mind into changing... you stay the same. I'm not speaking to one person in particular... and if i was? It wouldn't matter because it wouldn't help. the first jump sets everything in motion. take the jump already JUMP otherwise you end up wih nothing... over... and over... and over again

I've been thru the desert on a horse with no name

So I have a real adventure for ya! I got a car! It's probably the worst ordeal i've been through transaction wise. The payment was smooth but transferring the title was crazy. it probably would have gone relatively smoothly if they had a) told us there were fees up front and b) if we had a lady that understood the complex workings of technology. My dad tracked the time and we got there at 8 and left at aboout 9:15. *nods* I really want to give you a play by play of my experience. I promise you I will never EVER forget it... and in the future I bet i'll be friends with her. 

This! is the jist of my dealings with her... pretty much what she said the entire time. 

8:00 - may i help you? license please? title please? *time slows down* now... what... where do i enter... this here. JUDY! JUDY! I entered... this... but it says... oh I put it in the wrong spot? can i have your social...? *tip.... tap... tap...* 

8:15 - Ok now I need your phone number... mhmm... mhmm 2-3? oh 2-1... JUDY!!! now do i just scroll down? you know i'm new... and they trainin me... you can't be mad just be patient with me...  JUDY!

8:45 - You tryin to mess with me? Cuz i'm new... we aren't in Kane County! I put a C... but it came up Kane! I DID scroll down now Judy don't mess with me! whats your phone number again? 

9:00 - We almost done... theres a light at the end of the tunnel *of HORRIBLENESS* oh ok... exit... i did that! Judy I did that! I gotta get the receipt? oh... sign here... and here... now you know I'm new right? Do you have a job? (yes) did they have to train you? (no.) you're very lucky... cuz i have to be trained... 

by that time i could have lain on the floor and screamed. all day. but i just wanted to leave. and THEN after that giant ordeal they rushed us out of there! HAHA. 

"oh squiggly line in my eye fluid... oh squiggly line."

Judy Garland vs. Tootie

I went on an actual adventure and have been too dang tired to write about it haha but! never fear i am not so tired now with the strength of Fruit Punch Crystal Lite in me... and kettle corn haha

Thursday: "PETER! WE SLEPT IN!" I got to sleep in for the first time in a while (weekends included) and I still woke up at 7:15 on my own. crazy circus trained body haha. I finally decided just to get up and get ready and THEN veg. and so i did... watched Jim Carrey on Regis and Kelly... then it was roadtrip time! we headed onto Peoria. we took these amazing backroads because Garmin's amazing and i got to see fun towns like Dwight (I do really want to photograph there) and El PASO and Eureka! it was pretty sweet. We made it to Jon's and hung out for like 5 minutes before heading to Taco Bell (the land of cheap good indigestion causing food) and on the road. For a while we were ok just talking about random things like if we made a female counterpart to Hooters. (it would be called sausage and meatballs hahaha) and depressing things like how the economy is going to explode because of global warming or how we were going to start a vineyard. *sigh* heartfelt. the expanse of road from peoria to st. louis is DAUNTING. its just sky. farm. road. sky.farm.road. skyfarmroad and then they all blend and you're DYING from boredom. forever. I eventually got out the weepies and slept for 20 minutes i just couldn't take it! then finally after deciding that we were going to start a hair salon similar to Hair Force One we were there!

We crashed for like 12 seconds before going to steak n shake for food stuffs. then the guys headed out for Tom Waits and we got movies. Definitely, Maybe = very cute Great Debaters = REALLY good Fool's Gold = why? did you spend the time makin it? ok. and Papa John came along for the ride too haha and took Grapes and Red Velvet Cupcakes with him. It was good! haha by the end of the last movie the boys were home and EVERYONE was sufficiently DEAD.

SLEEP! haha

Friday: I was the first one awake. Wonder of wonders! I am NEVER the first one awake. I swear its my body now! its HORRID. (bad enough to say the word HORRID) I kinda putzed around ate some grapes, journaled a little bit before actually getting dressed. then we headed towards St. Louis. It was a good drive Garmin took us through fun urban parts of the city that you would never see all while listening to Bob Dylan who turned out to be the perfect soundtrack for the ride! It made me feel like I was in the middle of Elizabethtown. I got to see the Arch for the first time which was pretty freaking cool up close. We made it to the City Museum and quickly realized who was running the show inside... CHILDREN. millions of children ok not millions but 1 kid = 4 kids so 200 kids = 800 kids = A MILLION. soooo we left haha. which i was ok with... i can handle kids. 

Then we went over to Rally's (i'm so. hungry) and onto the St. Louis Art Museum which was FREE (aka even better!) it was a nice cozy museum (FREEE) and it was relaxing... the park the museum was in was HUGE and just... gorgeous. parks in the middle of cities are AMAZING. kudos to whoever thought of it. then we saw Wall-E. such a cute movie! see it. everyone. ever. seeit. 

We headed out on the road after the movie. The first part of the drive (appr. 120 miles) was not that bad! a) it was night b) there was Michael Jackson involved. i mean you can't be bored with Michael! no. you can't. oh! and we decided if his music doesn't make you want to dance you have no soul. so... check on that everyone. the drive through rural Illinois was not as exciting when it was daytime... El Paso lost its charm and Eureka lost its exclamation point. The stars however were uncommonly clear... or maybe they're always clear i can just never see them haha. I felt like a little kid staring out the window with my face pressed up against the glass. I could have ridden on the roof of the car happily. FinallyyyyHOME.

It was a good little mini vacation - friday especially. it was just what i needed to get my mind off of EVERYTHING haha... i'm definitely ready to go home TODAY. i haven't seen my family in a while and i like them haha. only two more days. meanwhile i have resorted to Crisis Lockdown Mode and for now its working but i'm sure it won't last longer than next week. *shrugs* for now! CLM. 

til then,

llueve...

today i woke up to my mom calling and telling me it was an umbrella day... i groggily replied "whaa?" three times before she told me IT'S RAINING and let me go back to sleep for... 5 minutes. it was not like TORRENTIAL DOWNPOURS of life it was just... steady. 

i am a fan of steady rain. 

So. my polka dotted double golf sized double paneled wind pocketted umbrella and I set off down the road in the steady rain. I put on my rain soundtrack which is actually the Amelie soundtrack and i was right... as rain. seriously. next time you find yourself with the option of walking in the rain do it. and find a good Putumayo Presents CD and just revel in the rain. I didn't think about anything except twirling my umbrella and avoiding puddles that could swallow me whole and just... was. I'm never just there often so it's always a good feeling and its ALWAYS in the rain.

work today wasn't bad! it was actually good... i took control. haha taking control of a day is way better than getting SWALLOWED in it. the rain helped :0) i swear its God materialized sometimes especially soft steady rain. 

i'm tired of getting swallowed. its a daily struggle to lift myself out. i don't know what to do anymore so i become recluse. no eye contact no words. i draw into myself. and yet it still hurts. putting myself out there hurts not doing anything at all hurts... doing just a LITTLE hurts. can anyone find the happy medium between hurt and not cuz i'm desperately searching DAILY.

it seems the adventure i'm on is just. daily life. 

billy collins connects.

Forgetfulness

The name of the author is the first to go

followed obediently by the title, the plot

the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel

which suddenly becomes one you have never read, never even heard of

as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,
to a little fishing village where there are no phones.

Long ago you kissed the names of the nine Muses goodbye
and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,
and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,

something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,
the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.

Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,
it is not poised on the tip of your tongue,
not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.

It has floated away down a dark mythological river
whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall,
well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those
who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.

No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted
out of a love poem that you used to know by heart. 

genesis

"...to lose a friend is to grieve a death" - Ring of Endless Light 

it's harder than you think.

mmm... no new aventuras for awhile except job searching. i wasn't that motivated until the other day when i realized i can't take much more. whatever floats your boat or finds your lost remote. 

new potential aventuras:

• buying a car
  
• buying a computer/software
  
• getting a full time job
  
• saving money forever
  
• paying off loans for about that much time too
  
• going to europe for my birthday
  
• road trip!
  
• getting a pet
  
• getting fit and hating the process 
  
• finding an everyday good friend
  
• avoiding eHarmony like the plague 
  
• rooting myself in God :0)

stay tuned.

WICKED!

you know how i was pining to write out emotions just as they are but couldn't the other night? its an ongoing thing.

have you ever done something you desperately wish you could take back? i've done a lot... i wish i could do over... but theres one in particular that i would give anything to undo do anything to censor or soften the blow... but i can't take it back and though it seems sometimes you move on from it... they never really forget it. not completely. sometimes you still feel the sting even if it's 1 year... 10 years from then... you end up reliving it. 

this new adulthood i've stepped into has caused me to HAVE to deal with things because of it. i hate it. wont lie but secretly i'm hoping that dealing with issues in my life will only make things better for me... make me a stronger person... help me to trust in God... in myself and trust that all people aren't necessarily out to cause pain...

i think i want to get rid of emotions simply because i'm actually feeling them now. on a regular basis and with force behind them. i got a chance to express emotion besides happy and learn to let them go at the same time. now that is kind of gone... so it kind of... sucks. 

i'm entering adulthood with more care now and though i teeter and fall a lot i can't really stop now. already i've made some mistakes and some hurts just keep resurfacing no matter how hard i try to repress them. that could be a lesson in itself to not repress feelings but for now for this particular thing i think its best to walk away from it. the good thing is i know God will forgive me... 490 is the number He forgives. i have to let it go... and deal with the next issue... and in time... he'll heal the hurts too...... and replace them with something to be joyous about. 

new aventura en francais

i've decided to learn french... yeah. 

i got cd's from the library and right now i am learning to say 'do you speak english/french?'  'yes/no i can/can't speak/a little french/english sir/madam' hahaha i love it. i sound like a complete idiot but! my skill with imitating and language accents is coming in real handy here. 

i will give periodic updates on new phrases... and whenever i learn "I believe you are in league with the butcher" in spanish, french and portuguese (the native tongue of Holly Golightly for one scene in Breakfast at Tiffany's - all time favorite.) 

i am doing so well! so exciting! i love new languages... i think its civilized to be fluent in other languages... so cool! haha keep up with me make sure i'm still doing this in a month!

je comprends le français! vous comprenez le francais? hahaha