Friday, August 6, 2010

right now

shut the front door i haven't updated in foreverrrrrrs! I actually don't have much to say but I thought I'd give a quick update - an overview if you will - on life right meow.

Hummmm where to start! Oh wow I'm actually out of words... I honestly don't know where to start. I feel like I should just tumble it all  out in one lonnnng string of words. Cuz that's how I operate most times. Ask people. I just spout.

Work has been constant... Like I haven't had any time to breathe and be alone in a LONG TIME and it's starting to wear. I'm staring to put all my eggs in one basket again at work, too. I expect so MUCH out of it! I expect development and unity and a sense of belonging all day every day so when that's not met I feel like I did something wrong.... or angered some higher up or something. I think I'm seeking gratification from the wrong source. Speaking of source... I'm also still in the same place with God... actually I'm worse so... *shakes head* I don't know how to move past it. I would really like to but I'm holding me back. Isn't that THE WORST?! When you know you're preventing yourself... from yourself! How stupid is that!? But I'm pretty sure it's the dilemma of like... the entire human race haha. So... OK i'm gonna stop talking about it. Though I would appreciate any input.

And, ok, I have to write this out (and I apologize beforehand) because in Abby's world this is epic. You'd just have to know me to understand. OK maybe it's not so epic but for a split second of my life... I let someone else in. Let's skip to the end and read the last page so you know how it ends (sidebar: I totally read the last page of every book I've ever read since... forever. I literally read the last word. Sometimes it gives stuff away... sometimes it doesn't but I can't NOT do it. I have to! I just gotta! I hate horrible surprisesOKSIDEBAROVER.) - it didn't work out (does it ever? haha) - but like... this is huge! Have you MET me?!

*shakes your hand* "Helloooo I'm Abby, I'm a fan of fake moustaches, fonts and giggling all the time and oh, let's just out with this now? I'm closed off."

It was kind of like a storm. The feeling hit like lightning and all the sudden I was feeling EVERYTHING and there was thunder and rain and it was exciting and confusing and liiiittle bit hazy... and as quickly as that storm moved in just a few seconds later everything went away just as fast. Even though it seems like a kind of horrible ending? I think it was all for the best honestly. It's been a long time since I've FELT anything so... I think it's a good step. *shrugs shoulders*

OK so i DID have stuff to say. Did I lie? Maybe... but i honestly thought I was gonna do bullet points. I love bullet points. Here, I'll do them just so I keep my word.

  • i totally wanna bake something soon!
  • I need to find an amazing wedding present
  • I'm going to a wedding! I did NOT tell you that! this is the first wedding I've gone to with "Guest" next to my name. I am not bringing a guest. This is the first wedding I've gone to that I'd actually LIKE to bring a guest...
  • alright this is getting obnoxious.
  • bye. 
  • for real. 

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