Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Never Coast: an slw story

I'm not really a fan of talking about being healthy or diets or weight loss because, frankly EVERYONE is talking about it right now.  At work, where everyone SMOKES, it seems like everyone is on a diet. We're immersed in technology we have access to all these 'health' resources and I swear every other word out of our mouths is something about health. If you are eating wrong we side eye you but we don't say anything. If you bring a salad we side eye you but we don't say anything. You've just given into peer pressure to be healthy. It's really a losing battle on both sides. So I shut my mouth and do my thing and gently back away when people try to TELL ME THEIR WEIGHT like I actually wanna know. I'm really glad that everyone is getting on board and focusing on their health I just wish it wasn't the only thing everyone talked about.

But this story needs a telling.

I made a decision to try a spinning class in the heart of the city with a bunch of skinny people on purpose. The place is called Flywheel and it's in the Gold Coast and all it is... is spinning. There's a STADIUM (take that term loosely) full of bikes and a skinny/buff person sits at the center and yells at you.

My thought? Oh! It's biking! I like biking. This should be fun! First class is freeee!!!

Reality: It's a class designed to make sure you don't ever have children. The bike? Is like sitting on a knife. Or... if you enjoyed having someone punch you in the taint continually then like... yeah you'd like spinning.
Quick summary? Biking + elliptical + genital punching + skinny people yelling at you = spinning.

Thoughts during:
I can actually hear my bajingo screaming. It's screaming...

Ugh this class is for white people. *looks over and sees black people* Whatever, this class is for skinny people. *looks over and sees a PREGNANT WOMAN* OMG WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!?

*as they lock your shoes onto the bike* ......I may die in here...

I didn't survive the entire class, which was an hour. I just... my bajingo went numb! That seems like a thing that should conCERN me and it did. So I left the room. The wonderful thing is that in the midst of watching 30 women with no butts ride a spin bike, everyone was REALLY nice. Like they understood the pain you underwent and offered you fruit and water and a COUCH to... rest your genitals.

I've decided to make that class my Everest. I'm not saying my goal is to be a white girl with no butt? Because... one does not simply LOSE the butt she was born with - I DO want to build up an endurance and make it through a class. All those skinny ladies came out of that class COMPLETELY SOAKED. Biggest Loser competitors barely make it through that class so I think this is a good goal.

I will conquer this class! And maybe sneak a pillow in there for my middle parts.


  1. you are brave! i'm totally intimidated by spin classes. it is pretty funny how someone eats "healthy" but smokes, pretty sure that cancels it all out ;-)

  2. It's all about the seat cushion. It will literally save your bajingo. ;)

    What I liked a lot about spinning (I did it for a month, with coworkers as part of a freebie wellness thing) is that for as scary as it seems, if it's led well, it's not about the other people in your class -- it's about focusing on the movement and following at your own pace, keeping tabs of your personal exertion level. Your "OMG I'm gonna die" level is different than the model next to you, so you have to kind of pace yourself and sit down if you need to more or loosen the resistance if needed. Over time your body gets more used to the workouts.

    Keep it up! You can conquer spinning!



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