Wednesday, July 18, 2012

SLW: On Being Fragile

I wrote this a long time ago and was hesitant to use it because... who enjoys talking about personal things. Anyways... here's to stretching myself a bit.
There is something to be said about womanhood. You are expected to be resilient and strong yet dainty and graceful. A lady in the streetz but a freak in da sheetz. I got called "an angry black woman" the other day for butting in on conversation. We fight for equality and expect the same rights and workload as a man (which I am all about) but there is something to be said about the fragility of being a woman.

The last (read: only) guy (read: douche) I dated, however EXTRA briefly, hated when I would get wound up about things, never hugged me when I cried and thought my obvious girl exaggerations were real. In reality I had changed myself to be someone I wasn't at all so it kinda wasn't all his fault - I wasn't Abby. But! it has taken me until right now (yes! right now!) to realize that being a little fragile is okay. We're all fragile in real life and buffer ourselves against... everything. Men and women included.

Having it all together all the time isn't... REAL. Usually the people that expect you to have it together are projecting their own state of being unkempt on you. I'm not saying that you need to be a blubbering mess EVERY DAY and chalk it up to "I-I-I *hiccup* I'm j-j-just fragile right n-n-noooooow" before bursting into more ugly cries. No... no one wants to see that. But as an adult... I am not in the career I'd like to be in. I don't have the life I want yet... and that's okay! Who says it's a requirement? The journey is the reward.

After my parents divorced I felt like I had to be strong all the time for my mom... well for my whole family really. It's only been recently where I've come to understand that I don't need to provide laughter to divert serious situations - and I am good at doing that.

I can be a little vulnerable. I can give up control... because I know to gain control I need to lose it. God takes over from there.


  1. Ah, this is so good. I was taught from a very young age that even if things weren't okay, that I had to hold it together and pretend like they were from my mom because that's what she did. But gosh, it just feels so good to let it out every once and a while and say, "you know what? i'm not okay. and that's okay".

    Comfort eating always helps me, too. ;) Haha

  2. I completely agree, too. My best advice when a friend is having a hard time is to tell them that it is okay to allow themselves think their life sucks at the moment. It's sometimes necessary to allow the pain or suffering to penetrate, we learn from it, we heal, and then we move on. If we don't nurture our fragility, then we won't get stronger on the realz.

    you are a wise soul, abbyblujay.

  3. Abby,
    I think God is teaching us the same lessons at the same time, because we're life soulmates. Letting yourself feel out of control and actually FEEL at all are incredibly empowering. I, too, learned to hold it all in and act like everything was fine, even when inside I felt like having a high speed come apart. It's okay!! I love you, especially when you're an angry black woman and you hate everyone. You know why? Those are real feelings and you can have them however you want, whenever you want and the people that truly 100% love you? We'll think you're crazy, but we'll understand :-)



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