just one of them thangs

Thanks Monica for providing the slow jam lyric for tonights post.

I apologize in advance for the sappy things I may post. As much as I hate - and, yes, I do mean hate - feeling this way it is passing slowly but surely. My laughter is coming back. That laugh... if it ever disappears means I'm gone but never fear this time. I'm okay : ) I've also never been one to talk about matters of the heart or spout off the standard crap about situations like these. I just want to laugh. That's all I need to repair my insides; there's healing there. sweeet.... HAHA

I don't really have much to say, to be honest, except for a quote from my favorite youtube video called How to be Alone. It's good. I mean like REALLY good. scroll down a few entries and watch it. You will love it. Also, I finished Harry Potter again. The 7th book is kind of AWESOME and I am excited to go to the movies tomorrow. Have you ever gone to the movies alone? It's pretty great. It's not like you have to talk to anyone during the movie anyway so it's the perfect spot to sit for approximately 2.5 hrs and look at intensely attractive teenagers with accents fight the forces of evil. Right?! Awesome.

I am pretty much okay except for a case of slight heart ache but I'm taking the rest of this week of radio silence to catch up on knitting orders, attempt to intensely clean my room and put up Christmas decorations while blasting Vince Guaraldi on repeat. Quick shout out to my mother who doesn't read this and may never see this. It is because of her and because she loves God that I am the woman I am today, and a part of the reason why I'll be ok. Mamma didn't raise no fool : )

I'll leave you with said quote:
"Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it."

untitled

why do i do this to myself? I have got to be the world's greatest living expert proficiently skilled in the art of fooling oneself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why don't I recognize the signs? I get hit full force, full on by what can only be described as a fast moving freight train every time. I give up. Honestly I do. No more...  I think I'll stick to just being closed off for the rest of my life it seems to work pretty well. You can't get hurt if you never get close. You can't have any expectations shattered when there are never any set. You'd think I'd learn after the last 80 times things ended up the EXACT same way... Ah no... I'm finished with relationships and friendships and PEOPLE.

I give. up.

my heart feels like it's going to abandon my body and find a more worthy host. i don't blame it.

birds... fly to the stars i guess

I just wrote an entire post, published it and my weefee's went out. Stupid weefees.

my title is a quote from one of my favorite movies. Kudos to anyone who guesses it. No but seriously go get a Kudos bar if you guess it. Kudos bars are dang good.

I'm listening to the most delicious song right now. It makes me think of being in Paris wearing a red knit beret walking hand in hand with a guy and having French bread be our BEST. FRIEND. Take a listen. Or I'll be mad that you're missing out on this crazy awesome song. Seriously it's SO tasty.

Happy news friends! Blueberry Cobbler Knitting Co. is LIVE! In living color (except way less awesome than the tv show was)! We're selling our things in Etc., Inc. in Frankfort. You should totally go and buy everything which makes our life harder because we have to keep making things but it's still awesome because obviously we'll be THAT popular. It's obvious. A no brainer.

This means this will be the end of custom knit orders for Rhode Island. I can't take and finish orders AND make stuff on demand. I only have two hands and I'd like to NOT have early onset rheumatoid arthritis. I'm not sayin I'm just sayin. Baking list still comin though! It's so complicated to do this...

I... on a completely random and unrelated note the past couple days have been really... interesting. That is all. Goodnight

'If the stars were mine I'd tell you what I'd do... I'd put those stars right in a jar and give them all to you' SUCH a tasty song!

one saturday morning

what do you do when you don't post on a Friday night?.....yeah it's not that exciting you come home and post on a very early Saturday morning.

I met up with... actually I met up with like... all my favorite adults today haha. I am technically an adult but... if you meet me... I'm actually like a glorified 12 year old that has maybe been through some stuff. Ask around. They'll tell ya. Anywho I met up with Ms. Talese and Mr. Victor for a Panera date this afternoon. Um, I LOVE THEM. They're the kind of people you WANT to be around constantly because a) they're awesome and b) seriously they're THAT awesome. I used to work for them before Eden became Jonathan Kane. I've actually known them since 7th grade but I didn't KNOW them until a couple years ago. They're good people. Somehow... by some act of God they've chosen to spend extra time with me occasionally and I appreciate it. They have children! It's not like they need another! but like I said... I'll take whatever I can get... seriously love them.

And then I got to see RAAAAIYE! : ) She is my favorite. Ask me in person who my favorite is... I might start out with, "mmm... maybe Jam--" but then it's like DUH and I'll shout, "RAIYE. IT'S RAIYE." She's wamazing and her kids are awesome and somehow already cooler than I will EVER be haha. Coffee + knitting + Raiye = me immensely happy. forever.

Sidenote: I'm so ready for Thanksgiving. I can practically taste the dressing. Another sidenote: White people call it stuffing. Black people call it dressing. There IS a difference... because obviously dressing is BETTER. ha! Good night i'm hungry... dang.

We're gonna touch on my boyfriend issue... it keeps popping up randomly. For as long as I can remember I've always brushed off the issue of pretty much me never having a dude. *insert the Abby face here* I can blame it on the divorce and blah, blah, blah but I think it's cuz I just don't feel like dealing with the fact that a) it's not fun to talk about and b) not sure how to proceed on the issue. It's kind of an 'it is what it is' thing and that keeps me out of trouble. I don't EVER wanna be the girl that likes every guy and gets let down by EVERY. GUY. and maybe I'm just so anti "that girl" that it keeps me away from every guy. Did I mention I was closed off? Did I mention I push people away? Ohhh dear... well those will be addressed in another entry I'm sure. I'm awesome.

solitude is blessed and alone is ok

i love this. like a lot.

what to do when your iPhone is found after being stolen

an ode. in bullet points. by the way this is gonna be long. i have other things to say.

• you scream
• you freak out
• you scream some more
• you stare at it
• you scream
• you turn it on and realize that *first and last name omitted* has restored it into his iPod
• you laugh when you realize his iPod is filled with typical black folks music like Yolanda Adams, Chico Debarge, Trey Songz and not 1 but 2 of Fantasia's albums - yeah. that happened.
• You immediately take Maxwell, Jennifer Hudson and Sade's new album off the phone and put it into your library - thanks. : )
• You still want to punch a highschooler turned thief in the face AND pimp slap him with your ring hand (the right one)
• You search the rest of the phone and find the love note to Gabrielle in Notes. 
• You laugh hysterically
• you scream.
• You THANK. GOD. that your phone is back
• No really. Thank you, God. 
• you restore the phone. you RESTORE the phone. pray over the phone. erase the porn off the phone. RESTORE. THE. PHONE.
• you tear up when mobileme is added back and your beacon noise plays 
• you contact iTunes about the songs you lost - you rejoice when they do! (it was only 2... thanks iTunes mystery people!)... (but seriously have you ever SEEN a person that works at iTunes?! They're like magical music robots!)
• you track it with MobileMe... just so it can tell you it's in your house : )
• you scream before during and after tracking
• you pat your pants pocket often to remember it's there
• there's a lot of excited squeaks
• you toggle between apps and text everyone you know. know why?! CUZ YOU CAN!
• Angry Birds Halloween?! STILL IN THE APP STORE! YAAAAY!
• you scream. *squeak* scream.

I'm beyond happy. : ) I'm baking for the people that helped. Police station. Managers. Errrbody. 

Anyways I want to mention something completely unrelated. I was talking to a.favorite earlier about how his wife's hair color is like awesome and his response was, "I like it too. She's beautiful." and it just made me... completely melt inside because that kind of love is sincere and genuine. And it gives me hope for someday. Whenever that is... anyway back to phone happiness. HOORAAAY : ) 

friday night lights

I should just make a habit of posting on Friday nights because I will never DO anything on a Friday night. Not ever. on purpose.

In my boredom I began to think about all the things I wanted to do. Not just right now like the things I REALLY want to do. the... fuuuutuuuuure *echoes* woooooaaaahhhhh. After an eventful past couple days I've realized a few things. 1) I love children. 2) I am never getting a boyfriend. The two are completely unrelated but still very true. I had 3 field trips 3 days in a row this week and loved each one more than the next. The little girls... the divas that need braces but are the most popular (interesting how that works before 10... after 10 all bets are off.) and the little dudes who stuff their hands in their pockets, stare at the ground and look so dang adorable i can't quite stand it. Well... the boyfriend thing...

we interrupt this regularly scheduled blog time to bring you breaking news.

MY PHONE HAS BEEN RETURNED!!!!!

here's the scoop.

The police called me this evening to tell me that they had my phone to which I responded, "SHUT. UP. SHUT UP." then i promptly apologized for telling an officer of the law to shut up. He was nice. He understood. He didn't give me many details (I was so dazed I didn't want them) but the summary is... So you remember the people I originally thought took it? They didn't take it. It was a different guy... a guy I LOOKED IN THE FACE and asked if he had it and he told me no. They contacted his father and it was returned. If I saw him today it would still take a lot for me to not pimp slap him with my ring hand. It was totally God. I prayed... and I let it go. I HAD to cuz it was eating me alive! especially after i found out who ACTUALLY took the phone. I was LIVID. God just... was like 'don't sweat that i GOT this.' and took care of me! mind. blown. needless to say i'm really happy. excited to restore it and contact iTunes about the songs i lost annnnd yeah! *sigh* awesome. so awesome. God is good right? *pssst* the answer is YES.

Oh! I was talking about something completely different before this... oops! I'm too happy to finish now so I'll finish later. Future endeavors and stuff... we'll get to that. It'll be in some kind of bullet point probably haha

unspeakable things

This post is really random. It's about my love of ModCloth. I swear to bob if I was smaller I'd be SO BROKE cuz all my clothing would come from ModCloth and I'd be SUPER proud of that.

just a sampling haha

for a second focus on that coat. are you looking at it? is drool seeping from the sides of your mouth and your bellybotton? If I had children I would seriously consider selling them for this coat. It's. So. GORGEOUS. Every party dress, special occasion dress, omg-i-need-flour-for-these-cookies impromptu grocery store dress would come from here; paired with an awesome coat. Also who didn't know the word "occasion" had 2 c's and one s... i did not. anyway. I think that's a good goal. Get down small enough so I can wear a ModCloth large, which is like the normal worlds medium. Yay motivation! Omg I just glanced at that coat again and actually did the Homer "glaaaaauuuuugggghhhhh" drool. Can't. Even. Help it! BAH!

I also think it's funny that while I am probably the least girliest girl I know especially in comparison to say, girlGomez (I think I actually want to work for her someday), I happen to LOVE dresses and coats. I'm sure I'll still let out an outrageous burp... in that coat. I WILL get that coat.

What happens when your iPhone gets stolen

an ode. in bullet points.

• you cry
• you freak out
• you cry some more
• you track it with MobileMe
• you cry before, during, after tracking
• you imagine punching a 6 year old in the face when you never have before (ask me. it's within reason.) you imagine punching a highschooler turned thief in the face.
• you imagine punching an entire FAMILY in the face you apologize for thinking about punching an innocent family and their child in the face. sorry. about....that...
• you cry
• you're on the computer a LOT more aimlessly wandering between TopSites
• you forget to check your email for 3 days and when you do you have 29 in your inbox
• you sigh and stare off into space
• you pat your pants pockets often
• you get upset that you now have to redo all your achievements on Angry Birds
• you get upset because the Halloween version of Angry Birds is now gone from the app store
• you're glad you have MobileMe to contact your mother because you forgot what her work number is
• you lose communication with all of your work friends that have iPhones and don't know how to communicate any other way - it's hard to blame them because you were there but you're still sad and a little bitter about it
• you actually turn on Mail on your iMac because it'll send you the push notification of the beacon message being sent when they finally turn that dang phone on
• you cry
• you reconnect with AIM
• you post on your blog on a Friday night
• you realize what little social life you had before is now obliterated because you can't text anyone
• you fiddle with your fingers a lot
• you finish a knit hat within a day because there's nothing else to do
• you thank God for synching notes, bookmarks, contacts and calendars
• you feel disconnected from the entire world
• you cry. 

dires irae

Currently I'm grieving the loss of a good friend. That friend is a technological device that is able to be tracked and is currently in the possession of someone who doesn't deserve said friend, because they stole it. Who would have thought you could grieve the loss of an iPhone? You can. It's been a rough 24 hour period. I'm praying that God will restore property lost to me though. I'm praying that having something that doesn't belong to them makes them so restless and uncomfortable they have to find a way to get it back to where they stole it from - promptly.

My second grievance (actually it's not a grievance I'm just sad about it) involves my job. I was denied a position I interviewed... well this is the second time now and it's making me question my place in the company. Most of you know where I work. It's magical. I love talking to people and finding out about their lives and how what we make fits perfectly for them. It's interesting to find out the thing you enjoy doing is the very thing you're doing wrong. The thing you THOUGHT you had passion for someone gets to tell you, "yeah no this isn't it."and then they ALSO get to tell you, "oh but that wasn't a no!" and "don't be discouraged." and "I wanna help you find your place." How... do you expect me to not be discouraged when I'm either a) pissing off someone above me or b) just sucking THAT much. I thought I HAD found my place! Oh! Just kidding... no. Most people move on a fast track where I work. You come in you perform well and BOOM you move. I just am starting to feel like I have no value within the company and no path. I also don't want to quit (although today I thought about it about 15 times.) because I believe in what the company does. Apparently EVERYONE has a path even the people that didn't have a path totally found a path. Kinda feel like they broke the mold with me.

this all happened from 9 last night to today. so. you can sense my frustration and sadness (sadness is an understatement).