Wednesday, October 22, 2014

An Open Letter to Anthropologie



I spent last Saturday with the loveliest Katherine and we went to Jeni's ice cream, died a little bit from its amazingness, endured a lot of bumpy train rides and went to Antrho as well. Having Katherine here made it the best day ever but I couldn't shake how out of place I felt in Anthropologie. I came home and furiously typed this crazy rant that I will share with you now. Also, I totally own that bedding in the picture above. I am part of the problem, I know. Argh. 

Dear Anthropologie,

After frequenting your stores for some years now I've finally figured out my feelings towards you.

Those feelings being dislike. Gentle dislike.

Here in this detailed letter I will tell you why. This letter serves no purpose but to rant, and who doesn't love a good rant.

Let's start with your clothes. Your clothes make me feel like, at any given time, I'm coming from or going to Coachella as a VIP. They're sophisticated yet inherently bohemian, young and adventurous for the workplace yet an easy transition to dinner and drinks. Who can resist casually throwing out in conversation, "Oh I got this at ANTHRO." I think your clothes are fairly expensive, overly expensive, though many a size 2 girl gets a lot of your clothes on sale and loves it.

Which leads me to my next point. Why do you only carry tiny clothes? And then ALSO have a PETITE section of your website?! I have never actually WORN an article of clothing from your store because you refuse to carry plus sized clothing on principle it seems. I think it's against company policy. It's my fault I'm overweight right? Or at least that's how every sales associate makes me feel when I walk through your doors. I get stalked by the sales girls to make sure I'm not stealing but when I actually need help I get blown off. This has happened every time I walk in and I just realized the unnecessary stress it adds.

I do like your kitchen, home and office decor (mostly cuz they don't have to fit on my body), sometimes they're exclusive and it's cool to find trinkets and things. Though, do I REALLY need measuring spoons that look like vintage spoons? (umm yes I do. ugh.)  I've gotten great gifts, stationery, and books from you. Ah... your candles though. All the scents of your candles are way too  overpowering, like they're trying to FORCE my nostrils into liking being punched by a heady bouquet of flowers. I don't like any of the scents. I'm sorry (EVERYONE). And your accessories - 45 dollars for a HEADBAND?! Is it made of JESUS!?

Here's the thing. I WANT to love you! I want to be your biggest fan and buy all the things and live happily ever after in my overpriced, everything was bought on credit, but that's okay it looks vintage, home! It seems like something I should WANT to want, as a 20 something who thinks herself kind of cool. But I don't.

You perpetuate an elitist attitude. You have made your brand a status - good job - but you make me feel like I'm lacking something in my life, like I'm an inadequate person, not worthy of affording your goods, and like I don't fit the demographic. That's not cool and as a company you shouldn't think it's cool either.

So... gently? Eff off Anthro. I'm kinda done with you. I AnthroPOLOGIZE.

(Hah, also watch me be in there the next time I'm downtown, because I'm dumb.)

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