SLW: Guest Post + Book Review

All I seem to write nowadays is SLW posts. What up with that?! This summer has proved to be heavy in terms of work, which is SLIGHTLY depressing but real life all the same. SLW's keep me going though! 


Today we've got a special guest post paired with a book review from my AMAZING friend Maggie. A bit of background on Miss Ness, I met her in college my freshman year. She's an awesome photographer and we bonded over quippy quotes and oddly enough NOT talking. We are pretty much the same person - she is the caucasian version of me and I am the black version of her. I can tell her pretty much anything because she's already thinking it. It'sssssprettygreat. I love her real style. She is reviewing Rachel Dratch's book "Girl Walks Into a Bar..." which is apparently really awesome and funny. Also it's purported to be very similar to the rest of my Single Lady Wednesday posts. Obviously I ordered it from the library straight away haha. Enjoy! 

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I’m going to start off by saying that I have no idea how to review a book without just saying “ERMAGERSH THIS BERK IS SOOOOOO GEEEEEERD.” But I will try, so bear with me.

Growing up watching SNL basically formed my sense of humor, and the women of SNL have pretty much all become role models for my life. They taught me how to put myself fully into everything I do, kick ass while doing it, and not give a shit what other people think.

There’s definitely been a trend of lady comedians writing books lately and I am loving every single one. I remember seeing Rachel Dratch pop up in skits as little boys and Calista Flockhart, and eventually her titular character of Debbie Downer. I always admired her for being a little different, but after a brief stint on 30 Rock she pretty much disappeared. This is where her memoir comes into my life.

She takes the familiar path of lady-comedian-book-writing-format and goes over her years at Dartmouth, at Second City in Chicago, then finally her tenure at SNL (the good stuff!). But that’s not really what this book is about. It’s about being single and alone, and unsure of where your life is headed (sound familiar?).

Rachel entertainingly recounts her experiences with The Three Addicts, a few hilariously disastrous post-SNL jobs, strange spiritual interventions, and the 3 non-showbiz dates she had before meeting the father of her son. It’s funny, witty, and definitely made me tear up more than once.

But what I admire the most about Rachel’s journey through singleness and her “midlife miracle,” (and what I fully intend to incorporate more into my own life) is her employment of the improv rule: “Yes And.” When you stop being scared and start saying “Yes And,” your life can go basically anywhere. It’s a lesson I definitely need to learn and I’m so glad I took a few hours out of my life to read how it affected someone else’s way of thinking and the journey of their life.

In conclusion: ERMAGERSH THIS BERK IS SOOOOOO GEEEEEERD.

But seriously, I highly recommend it and it’s such a quick and easy read that you’ll knock it out in a couple days and also learn something about how funny life can be at the same time.

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I think if you like Tina's book and Mindy's book this falls right in line with them. Honestly I can't get enough of my favorite women of television's books. I'm holding out for a book from Amy Poehler and my life will pretty much complete itself. Their thought process is hilarious but their wisdom is real. 

I'm off to Joanne Fabrics to get embroidery floss for friendship bracelets! I can't get enough of them lately. For a person who hates things to adorn her wrists this might be a terrible endeavor but I love that they're coming back in style. I remember my sister's Caboodle (OH MAN.) being filled with all types of embroidery floss. I was so jealous of her bounty. So jealous. 

Happy (really warm) Wednesday! 

Gail Speaks: on grocery shopping

I've got a treat for you today. My mother, Gail Mallett (Ms. Mallett to everyone else) is lending her savvy wisdom to my blog. This is actually a response blog to Kate, of Diapers + Skinny Jeans, question on how to be better at grocery shopping. We typically shop at Walt's (local grocery store), Aldi, Target and Trader Joe's

To new moms or family's visiting my blog today, welcome! If you're questioning my mom's credibility know that she shopped as a single, working mom with small children, as a night shift nurse and wife with three kids and... as a single mom all over again. The woman is legit.

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A: What sort of food is essential to a house?

GM: Households should have items from which they can make things instead of pre-packaged items. Things like flour, sugar, baking soda & powder, rice, oatmeal - basically things you can get multiple uses out of - cornmeal, spices, chili beans, black beans, canned fruit and vegetables (in water)... PASTA! Always have pasta. 


It's really not as expensive to buy all these items because you can get so many meals out of one buy. Having pasta and rice is really essential... You're not trying to carb load your children but a cup of brown rice or quinoa paired with a vegetable and chicken... That's a tasty meal!

A: If a family is starting from scratch and wanting to pretty much build a good household of food... would you break it down into multiple lists? Like: staples, produce, meat?

GM: Well, produce is something you will have to get ANYWAY. You will just know that you need bread, milk, eggs and fruit every week. You know you have to make a list for that weekly. You'll need a list but not necessarily broken down. I do, however, break down food by what store I'm getting it from. If I know Target has the best sales on bread or I really like Trader Joe's peanut butter then I split the lists - but on the same index card. (we are lovers of index cards in this house - and the Notes app on iPhone)

A: Well we get a crate of eggs from GFS so it's not like we have to get eggs every week.

GM: True, but for people who want "fresh eggs" might have to buy them every week. I'm not sure how cost effective it is because the 30 eggs we get from GFS are less expensive than a dozen of eggs a week. 

A: When do you buy frozen?

GM: I think meat you can buy... well go shopping once a month or once every two weeks. Meat can be a pricey purchase so that's not something you necessarily WANT to do every week. Look for a good sale and you can buy the packs of ground beef, ground turkey, ground chicken and freeze them. Or you could divide up fresh meat in Ziploc bags and freeze them. 

A: Is it the same for organic meat/produce?

GM: Yes, but you have to understand organic foods are more expensive, and, clearly, more perishable because they aren't treated. But if you and your family have decided to go that way and you're okay with buying more frequently you wouldn't have to buy meat in bulk. Same goes for produce.

A: So where does a family SAVE money?

GM: You end up saving money when you MAKE your family food. You gotta... get with the mentality that if you want cookies, you make them. Biscuits? You make them. You want pancakes, you MAKE them. I never understood getting pancake mix when you have flour, sugar and baking powder IN your house. That's money you don't have to spend! And instant oatmeal is a great idea but the yield you get from those little packets is far less than buying a canister of old fashioned oats and adding whatever you want to it. You end up using the oatmeal for cookies and bread and hot cereal. It's about longevity. 

A: What about families with small children?

GM: I think it's even MORE important to have those staples like oatmeal and dried fruit - cranberries, apricots and raisins. Buy oranges instead of orange juice - you get the juice AND the fiber - orange juice is expensive. Apple sauce is good and not very expensive. Ice cream is a splurge... so you can't buy 6 gallons of it. 

A: So what does a grocery shopping trip look like?

GM: Lists are essential. We only buy A LOT about once a month and the week to week things should be, again, produce, milk and bread. Having a list keeps you focused. Even if you needed 3 or 4 things and you budget it out to about 30 dollars, without a list you go in and end up buying things you don't need, you forget things, and you ended up spending 75 dollars. Womp. (that was added by me) If you go every week, you can't spend 75 dollars because you are buying a lot once a month.

A: Is a shopping schedule good?

GM: I think so. Pick one day and make a list ahead of time... just don't go on Saturday afternoons. In my opinion, EVERYONE is already out and your kids are pulling at you every which way to buy EVERYTHING and then they're crying. No fun for them or you. 

A: Anything else? What about working moms?

GM: I think making things from scratch are good. I'm not saying you need to bake a loaf of bread every day to be considered a good mom but take things like granola... You bought oatmeal. You don't need to buy granola because you can make it! Buyings things you can cook with is great. Make multiple meals on one day and freeze them. When you come home it's not such a CHORE to "make dinner." All you're doing is taking out whatever was pre-made by you and adding maybe rice and a vegetable - or a simple salad. I wouldn't buy hot dogs or lunch meat because it's so loaded with sodium and it's expensive. Make soup for lunch or... if you make enough chicken breast take chicken, apple and grapes for lunch for you. 

A: So the more you get on a buying routine for your house, the easier it becomes to replenish a few things and not ALL the things

GM: Yes!


Also if you don't know how to shop... it usually means you're eating out, which in turn makes your kids picky eaters. How do you expect your kids to all of a sudden like home cooked meals if you eat out 5 of 7 nights a week? Kids will eat when they're hungry, they won't starve. Show me a kid that will turn away an apple and peanut butter... it's protein, it's fiber and it's good for them. Really a kid just sees that throwing a fit will get them chicken nuggets and it's working... someone is being trained here and it's not the kid. I'm saying this because I've been there... Being a mom is tough.

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Did my mom just drop some knowledge? I think so. Sorry if that last part is kind of controversial but it's the truth. I love Tracy Shutterbean's approach to food with her son Cooper. You gotta be innovative sometimes to get them to eat good things. PINTEREST gave her the idea for frozen yogurt dots and they're all the rage now!

Good luck on your shopping endeavors! It can be tough to bat down a routine but it CAN be done and you really save money in the long run. Have fun with it!...and May the 4th be with you. : )

SLW Guest Post: What I Miss About Being Single

If you'd like to just completely disregard my previous SLW post you go ahead and do it because my good friend, Katherine of Gathered Heart is honoring us with a guest post today! I'm not gonna lie... I'm SO EXCITED. I met Katherine at Olivet and immediately told her she looked like Mandy Moore. Real life, guys. We bonded over a love of typography, cardigans and Starbucks. She's a true friend, that one.


You will LOVE her. Did I already tell you to read her blog? Cuz yeah do that now.

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Why hello there single ladies and fellow SLW readers!

I am no longer a single lady myself, but I’m so excited to be writing a guest post for Abby today. I’m happily married to a total stud and my best friend, but there are definitely some things I miss about being single. And because I also love things in list form, I thought I’d share with you a list of the single lady things I miss most:

Mealtimes
As a single woman, the dinner options are endless. Linguini noodles with garlic, salt and butter? Oh yeah. A bowl of ice cream? Totally dinner (as long as you throw in a chopped banana for good measure, of course.) An entire asiago cheese focaccia loaf from Panera? Do it, love it. These meals are definitely not suitable for husbands, especially since they don’t contain meat and are about 80% carbohydrates. Enjoy them while you can.

Panera
Speaking of Panera, no way you’ll be eating there again once you’re married. Most husbands hate that place. And if you happen to treat yourself there on your lunch break, you’ll never hear the end of it. Why would you want to pay $10 for a tiny salad and half a sandwich? Who cares if it has feta cheese and artichoke hearts? It’s not even that good! Oh man. What I wouldn’t give for an orange cream scone right now…  

Skin Care
My single lady nightly routine was intense… I would probably spend a good 20 minutes in the bathroom before bed: exfoliating and moisturizing my face, inspecting pores, plucking at my unruly eyebrows, etc. Is that excessive? Sure. But it was oddly relaxing. Now that I’m married, Christopher complains (like any other man) if I spend too much time in the bathroom. My routine has simplified to an all-in-one Burt’s Bees towelette. It gets the job done, but it’s just not the same. 

Being Pants-less
Like Abby (and many of you ladies, I’m sure), I hate wearing pants. But when you’re married, you can’t just walk around your house without pants. I mean, of course you can, but it’s basically an unspoken invitation for sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love getting it on… but sometimes, when I take off my pants, it simply means I don’t want to wear them. I’ve had a long day and just want my legs to be free! The same idea applies to going braless.

Alone Time Habits
I think it’s pretty well-known that people do embarrassing things when they’re alone. I tend to sing and dance a lot. The thing about marriage is… you’re never really “alone.” A few months ago, I was home alone washing the dishes and singing along to “I’m A Lady” by Santogold. As the chorus broke out, I pointed to my face with my index finger, bobbed my head and wailed “I’m a laaaaaaaadieeeeeee” while attempting to moonwalk along the kitchen floor. Are you picturing this in your head? I looked so stupid. It was at this exact moment in time that Chris came home and walked into the kitchen. I have no reason to be embarrassed in front of my husband because he knows me completely and loves me in spite of my flaws… but I was. Sooo embarrassed. And he still teases me about it.

Shopping
When you’re single, your money is your money and you can spend it however you please. Many of my single lady paychecks were spent entirely at Target. Now a’days, I have to limit my weekly Starbucks intake and avoid the sales section at Old Navy. Sure, it’s responsible and sensible, but it’s also sad because I love me some retail therapy. Single ladies, do this for me: go and buy that cute sweater/pair of shoes/necklace that you’ve been eyeing. Do it and don’t think twice about it. 

So, my dear single ladies, please… enjoy these things while you can. Live up your single-dom as much as possible. Trust me, you’ll miss it when it’s gone.  I love my husband dearly and wouldn’t change my life for a thing, but sometimes… I just want to eat Panera without being questioned. I want to spend $50 at Target and buy a venti caramel macchiato while I’m there.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my post for the day – now go out and enjoy the freedom known as singleness!

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Don't lie about laughing aloud multiple times... I know you did! Thank you, Katherine for sharing your amazing thoughts with us! 

The funny this is I just did all of this TODAY. Sang like an idiot in my kitchen while making a lunch of Trader Joe's french fries ONLY. I just saw a swing pea coat at Gap annnd bought it, and my mom wants to go to Panera for dinner. I mean you really don't know how good you have it til someone writes it DOWN. 

*read more Single Lady Wednesday Posts here.

**if you like to be featured on a SLW guest post feel free to email singleladyblujay{at}me.com with submissions!

SLW Guest Post: on being a satisfied single

Do I have a TREAT for you guys this Single Lady Wednesday. My good friend, Keila Harris, is talking about how to live a fulfilling life as a single woman. I met Keila through Apple and it takes almost no time to realize how much wisdom she has at a young age - I've learned so much from her already. Her love for God is so apparent and the girl has a DEFINITE style for living life well. Watch out now... she's about to drop some KNOWLEDGE.


Enjoy her words today! (I apologize for the weird formatting of her post... Blogger is NOT co-operating today)


I am off to bake with a new friend, but more on that later - happy Wednesday!

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What makes a person want to be in a relationship? Or more specifically I wonder: what is the motivation behind giving up the freedom of independence for a collaborative co-existence with someone that may or may not potentially waste your emotional energy? I have personal goals. I have dreams. And as I am, I have the power to pursue these things without distraction! Not to mention I have some amazing friends that are being somewhat neglected because of my extremely busy grad school and work schedule.

Even still, with all those things active in my head, on lonely days, thoughts cross my mind saying, “I need someone to be here for me, to keep me company, and make me feel really special when I don’t have time to pamper myself!”

Ok… let’s be honest… how in the world can I enrich someone else’s life effectively while I can barely keep up with my own? This self-focused perspective train of thought is a relationship leech that sucks all the therapeutic aspects of companionship away and adds all types of stress and unnecessary drama. Lord knows I am in no place to serve and care for someone else in a way I want to be served and cared for right now. Therefore, it makes no sense to whine and pine about being single right now! (Not to mention, as women, we patiently wait for the chosen one to come to us. Meaning--there should be no prowl, mind games, or “reeling” the man in anyway...) But I digress…

Life is a gift and it should be lived to the fullest. As a single woman, I embrace every moment of my singleness and independence while I have it. This is ample time to pour into all my amazing friends that I unintentionally neglect. This is the time to pour into a more intimate relationship with Christ—the cornerstone of my confidence and emotional fulfillment. The natural fulfillment we all need that many seek to fill with relationships can only be found in Jesus to begin with. I’d rather find that place of peace, confidence, and comfort in Him before meeting “the one,” so I don’t have to backtrack due to unrealistic expectations in the man who does come along for me. I’m determined to embrace contentment and complete satisfaction in Jesus alone; He is more than enough for me. Anything else is an additional blessing!

Plus! These are the days, months, and years of complete spontaneous freedom! Take off to New York, California, Montana, wherever! Fly to Asia or Africa! I mean… I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise! This is the time to just.... live. These things excite me, but whatever it is you do... do you! Remember, you cannot know the absolute bliss of companionship until you know the joys of being alone!

“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

Phil 4:11 KJV

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I love this girl in a pretty real way... : ) You can follow Keila on twitter @keithoughts - the girl needs to write a book for real. 

SLW Guest Post: the truth about internet dating

This single lady Wednesday I was supposed to be in Minnesota seeing Kimbra and my friend Dyani, but plans didn't pan out... I'm taking a hiatus from the blog today to bring my FIRST guest post from my amazing friend, Sarah. I came to her because she knows the scoop on internet dating (while I have ZERO experience). Most people don't really understand how internet dating really works. You see the commercials *find God's match for YOU!* and you hear horrific stories but how is it REALLY? Sarah is here to tell you the truth. Get ready... it's a good one : )

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I must admit when Abby first asked me to guest spot on her blog I was beyond thrilled and honored, and then the panic set in. Her request was for me to share my single lady insight on dating, specifically my experiences with online dating. So, here goes...

I recently found myself single after 3 years of being in a serious relationship/engagement/short lived marriage, but that's another story for another day. I knew I wanted to get back into the dating scene and relive my lost early 20s but had no idea where to even begin. I don't exactly live in a thriving metropolis with a booming night scene, I instead live in a farmhouse 20 miles from the nearest city and I would hardly call Kankakee the kind of city I'm looking to find a man in. I work 40 hours a week on top of finishing my Master's so free time and socialization aren't exactly a daily occurrence. A good friend suggested online dating to me and my gut reaction was disgust and sarcasm (let this be a sign to all of you, never ignore your gut). The site she suggested was OkCupid, it was easy and it was free, two major selling points.

The online dating world is essentially a crash course in marketing. You have to reduce yourself to a one page profile and hope the words you put on it are enticing enough to hook you the man you're looking for. OkCupid asks you to answer a minimum of 100 questions, "to up your matching accuracy", and these questions are everything from the type of food you eat to what date you expect sex on to how serious you take astrological signs. Apparently, OkCupid thinks these are things that make relationship magic.

OkCupid has these amazing search parameters that allow you to specifically search "matches" by everything from ethnicity to height to religion to location and more. In theory, you could plug in your perfect man to the search parameter, hit search and Voila! you may find him and if you're lucky, you'll have above an 80% match. My first brush with OkCupid love matching "should" have been amazing, he was an 80% match to me and seemed to be amazing. His favorite movie was Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, he was a black hipster with a good job, we had the same music tastes, everything was going great until I figured out HE WAS CRAZY. After 3 weeks of "talking", he started to hint at being in love with me (red flags everywhere) and I started to hint at how freaked the hell out I was. As funny as it all is now, it's actually quite scary IRL. It all came to a culmination on Super Bowl Sunday, I was hanging with Abby, and cray cray boy was trying to convince me to hang with him. When I said no, he turned into a begging/pleading stage 5 clinger. The next day when I told him how annoyed by this I was he turned into an angry, accusing stage 5 douchebag. I have a strict no douchebag policy, so I bid him adieu. He was my first OkCupid experience and I had a few more after that. There was the south side Chicagoan who tried to entice me into a sexual relationship (no thanks, I'm good). There was the guy looking for a casual dating relationship, as he needed support because he had a baby on the way (um, really?) and there was the skinny, white farm boy who played accordion and worked on all organic cattle farm. Disclaimer: most of these people I did not meet in real life, I just exchanged messages with.

After 3 months of online dating and venting about my fallouts to Abby, we have coined the term OkCrazies and we affectionately refer to everyone on that site by that name. In theory it may be a great way to meet people, however, I've only encountered two versions of OkCupid matches: those who wish to marry you and those who wish to bone you. I fall into the 1% of people who is not outright looking for either of those options so I'm going to have to say that online dating...maybe not so hot.

In all honesty there appear to be some really cool people on OkCupid, these people are not located within 100 miles of me, they live in places where there are more coffeehouses than grain elevators and more Costco's than Casey's gas stations. The thing I have definitely noticed is that I have not really encountered the online dating situations that everyone fears. I've met three people in real life after meeting them online and they all were exactly as advertised. They weren't secretly balding or six inches shorter than they said, they were what they portrayed themselves to be. As far as single lady dating goes, I'm just going to have to say no to online dating. It's original appeal really came to me because I'm a closet introvert. The idea of being able to sit in my house and "date" by never actually encountering social situations was really appealing, but there is something to be said for a concept being too good to be true. Online dating is sketchy, super sketchy, and I don't recommend it. However, if you're like me and you just have to try everything once then at least be safe about it. I had all of my first dates in very public places and I never let anyone know a lot of info about me, I also never added them on Facebook/twitter.

Abby and I have had many a discussion on dating and I must say, I think she lived vicariously through my ridiculous online dating adventures. I'm so glad she did though because then I had to put up with all the ridiculousness and she just got to learn the lessons through me. I bet she didn't expect me to learn one from her though! I have learned that online dating is too much effort. You're putting yourself out there and you're not going to get what you want, no matter how hard you try. What a person sees about you based on a one page profile is not even a tiny speck of what you are in real life. I'm pretty, I have interesting interests, I have witty remarks and on paper I'm probably somewhat appealing, however, in real life...I'm amazing. I have a crazy laugh. I smell good. I have silly facial expressions and witty one liners. I absolutely love people and I listen with my whole being when I'm around them. Those aspects of my personality will never be accurately portrayed on a dating profile. Those aspects of my personality are the ones I want someone to fall in love with me for so it's ridiculous to try to do that online. I realize now that I just have to live my life and do what I'm doing and not expect anything from my love life. Abby says she can't wait until I meet the man that completely knocks me off my rocker and takes all the control from me in a good way. I'm taking Abby's mom's advice to look cute everywhere I go so I can have a "meet-cute" at the gas station or coffee shop or who knows where, but it won't be online. That's for dang sure!

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Can you see why I love this girl? (she legitimately does smell good ALL THE TIME). This post was awesome! I hope I can have more guest posts from single lady's out there, I've already got a few in mind! 


Happy SLW!