Wednesday, June 2, 2010

livin' the dream

I have a fanTASTIC job. Really... aside from designing it's a dream. Actually if I could keep that job AND design then it would be the... HAHA the complete solution. But I'm gonna be honest. Work hasn't been going so well.

Turns out we actually DO things where I work... and they expect you to well haha. When it comes down to it I think I was so excited for SO LONG that excitement turned to nervousness and that nervousness turned into a perfection complex... and turned to fear. My voice felt like it wasn't my own. Like I was speaking too loudly in a foreign language I just learned. I had it all logistically down in my head but when I opened my mouth it was "EPIC FAIL" realized haha. And I kept saying work was going ok... just ok... i dunno!

Fast forward thru me sucking and some tears toooo a couple days ago. Told my mom about what's going on and of course she immediately identified the problem, "why aren't you being Abby? you don't even sound like you."

*awkward silence of revelation*
Now I'm working on getting out of my own head and being afraid of if I'm saying the wrong thing or not saying something because I think I'll get rejected. My thing is... I like being good at things. I know I'm not good at EVERYTHING - sports... maybe one day... *shakes head* - but for the most part I get things and then I'm awesome at it? So this not being awesome at an AWESOME job thing? *see aforementioned public breakdown at work... it was a brief mention...*

I'm also going to attempt to dance in public at least once when I'm there so I can kinda loosen the heck UP! actually let's dance NOW.

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