not now but soon

i wish i had the ability to express intense emotion using words. don't get me wrong i have an extensive vocabulary that doesn't include cursing so i can sufficiently tell you off using the acceptable english language. 

but i'm not mad. so don't worry haha

i'm...... thats just it. i know what i feel i know how i am i just can't WRITE IT. and i wish i could use powerful words to say what i feel. no capital letters just a mixture of letters and punctuation to make a huge impact. i think i could deal better if i didn't express in such childish terms. but sometimes the simplest of sentences can have the most impact. i think i'm going to eliminate the word "ugh" from my vocab though. 

secret? i've always dreamed of dancing. i love LOVE! ballet. it is a closet obsession... not so closet anymore but hardly anyone reads this. i'm short... my feet don't extend all the way... there is no fluidity in any of my movements. if i was blessed with the ability to dance and the privilege of having a car i'd be gone right now haha in some studio dancing life away. i think its expression in a pure unconcentrated form. 

i wish there was a surgical procedure to extract feelings... i wish emotions were poke-able and squishy so you knew how love felt... and hard and metallic so you knew what anger looked like... and i wish pride and bitterness were a hammer that hit you until you woke up and realized your constant state of self abuse and stupidity. 

but those are the kind of wishes that disappear right along with the ability to touch clouds and eat them like cotton candy. (pretty sure everyone asked that when they were little)

Casting a Care,