Wednesday, September 26, 2012

SLW: single lady advantages

Lately I have succumbed to "the loneliness" which I'm pretty sure is it's own entity. It befalls single women when they see no less than 10 friends on Facebook deliver fresh and cute babies, no less than 4 get engaged in the same weekend, no less than 5 get married and no less than 40 BILLION become pregnant all at the same. dang. time. It's like SYNCHRONIZE YOUR WATCHES! And as much as I love... rejoicing over the good news about your adooorable baby that sleeps SO WELL, your giant sized engagement ring, looking through your 500 picture album of your wedding like my fingers can't control themselves, and the beautiful, fertile, fact that your baby is now the size of a cumquat *squee! barf.* I really cannot handle it... anymore. Cue crying myself to sleep. Lamenting over lack of man. Overdosing on ice cream. Imminent, infinite, food comas caused by pity baking sessions.

I'm tired of hearing MYSELF complain because I truly am happy about other people's joy. These are all awesome, amazing occasions that no one should censor... just at the end of MY day I sleep in a twin bed with a pillow aptly named by Bed, Bath & Beyond as "boyfriend" ya know? These are things that happen.

There are advantages to both sides of the coin though. I get to see all the married/pregnant advantages... daily (thanks Facebook.) but rarely do I remember that single ladies HAVE IT GOOD.

For starters... no pants! no bra. I can scratch my own arm pit at home without the slightest afterthought of "if I do this... will you think I don't wash there?"
Ice cream as dinner
Ice cream as BREAKFAST
Brownie as breakfast before ACTUAL breakfast
No pressure to shave... A THING.
Sleeping in.
Sleeping in, getting up, eating, and SLEEPING AGAIN!
Burping loudly.
Buying Coca-cola for the express intention of burping loudly
Going out, lookin' sexy for no dang reason!
Lipstick on a Monday.
wearing ALLL the granny panties. no risk!
I cook for me! and no one else. What picky eaters?
Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper time
Pizza on a bagel
substitute fries for "pizza" too
doing all those crazy crafts without your husband being like 'what... are you DOING'
baking decadent things and leaving them there knowing i can come back AND THEY'LL STILL BE THERE
Hmmm... road trip? ROAD TRIP!
Watching the A&E version of Pride & Prejudice while knitting, then starting Downton Abbey from Season 1 without a PEEP
Shower drinking. (Thank you Joy.)
Talking to Siri for way too long
Target's having a sale on cardigans!
Should I spend the last of my paycheck on Starbucks? YES.

The list goes on and on... Most of this list involves borderline gluttony and unkempt armpit hair in public. This is just a fun reminder that it's okay that I'm single when I feel like it's starting to be a stigma.

Thanks for listen to me rant for a bit. I needed a good rant haha



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