The Reader's Nook: "It Was Me All Along"

Have you ever read a book or someone's blog and feel like you know them? Like they're talking directly to you and somehow they're unaware you're best friends? That is totally, completely, in EVERY WAY, Andie Mitchell. How did I find her blog? I'm thinking about it and I really don't remember how I stumbled upon it. I do remember being obsessed with a blog about how a girl lost a significant amount of weight and fell in love with running. I had emailed the woman to ask her how she overcame her own mind and did it anyway. She never emailed me back, but her next post read, "I've been getting a lot of emails about how I lost the weight but I'm not gonna talk about that." I felt so crushed - like I was being personally attacked. Obviously that wasn't true and I was being overly sensitive, as I tend to be. In my desperate attempt to feel connection I somehow click-holed myself to Andie's blog. I'm so glad I did.

Andie is a lady. A living, breathing lady who has struggles just like everyone else. Her past is messy just like a lot of people's and when she wakes up her hair probably doesn't look good. I say this because she also happens to have lost 135 pounds on her own and I feel like that makes her superhuman. I think a lot of people feel like it makes her superhuman so I introduced her as awkwardly as possible for balance. Heh.

It Was Me All Along: Andie Mitchell - In her book she tells the story that brought her to where she is today. A latchkey kid who used food as her babysitter, she voices a lot of the pain I think anyone goes through when they struggle with being overweight. Her past was hard, and so many others are too, but eventually she learns to accept herself at any state, large or small. Her writing is effortlessly descriptive, especially when describing the food she ate, so you really get a sense of how vividly food has impacted her life. And I totally get that. Being overweight my entire life this book basically made me want to lay down under the floor. It brought up painful memories of being ridiculed at school, by family at times, in public, and it just makes you crumble a bit. In bringing her issues to light I feel like I've stepped into the light as well. It's so easy to hide.

Being overweight makes you feel like you're the only one, though everyone knows it's actually an epidemic. Half the country is overweight but WHERE DO THEY LIVE? No one sees these people! They all live in the same community in Montana or something because I seem to be the odd woman out. Reading about the things she's gone through forced me to remember what I've gone through - so many of the stories paralleled. It's kind of like getting cold water thrown in your face. You gasp for air like a fish out of water. It's a shock to unearth a painful past you've repressed with such "skill" for so long.

When I was finished reading the book (in a record day) I wanted to email Andie and just... friggin GUSH about how I think we should be friends, and what is her vitamin regimen, and does she enjoy watching You've Got Mail as much as I do? These are things I think about when I start to see someone with hazy, glittery lights around them. I mean I've wanted to know how many cups of water Beyoncé drinks a day for YEARS. I quickly realized what I was doing. When I start obsessively finding success stories I'm not motivating myself, I'm canonizing the person. I'm bronzing them. I... want them to do the work FOR me.

I've made it quite far in my life not doing that much hard work and thinking strength was making myself small, being comic relief, and focusing on pleasing my mom. That's gotten me here, with a person's weight to lose. I have to lose an amount of weight the size of a slightly overweight person. Saying that aloud makes me feel faint.

In the moment I was all, "I'M GONNA WRITE MY STORY. I'M GONNA WRITE IT SO PEOPLE KNOW MY PAIN AND THEN THEY'LL KNOW. THEY'LL KNOOOOW THE PAAAAIN." You start to glorify the pain and the past struggles. But I want to acknowledge that they happened, look at it firmly in the eye and say, "I see you, but you are not defining," and get to work. Hey, maybe one day I will write my own book on the mind warfare that is weight loss, but that day is far off. And that is okay. Now I focus on finding a different kind of strength, a will I thought did not exist.

Even if you haven't struggled with losing weight, this book just helps you remember that whatever struggles you've gone through, who you are at any point in your life is the person you're supposed to be right in that moment.  Messy or not, shit together or not, you're you. And you are amazing.

Reader's Nook: Half-Read Reviews

Happy New Year!

This year I resolve to stop resolving. Resolutely. No I do enjoy New Year's resolutions - going on forever without feeling you have the chance to start fresh makes life seem monotonous to me. I will get to those later though because I want to bring you two books that I did not finish! Amazing!

I am halfway through both of them and I have some very distinct thoughts on these two ladies words.

Yes, Please: Amy Poehler - I would just like to start out by saying Amy Poehler is a human just like the rest of us. That being said, she is superior to most humans I've met. The preface of this book made me cry. She writes stories of her life and doesn't apologize for the not-so-perfect parts. Even her divorce, which can dang near kill a person, it happened and now she's in love again and you're like, "WOW. I DON'T UNDERSTAND ALSO WHY AM I CRYING." She is an avid encourager of women throughout the book and truly believes that everyone has a voice that shouldn't be silenced. Ideas shouldn't be minimized. I laugh out loud a LOT - kind of like when I read Tina Fey's book. Amy also knows that her fans super endorse her and Tina's best friendship, which makes this book even BETTER. I own it so I'm taking my time through it, stopping to pick up other (young adult fiction) books along the way and coming back again. I'm so glad she wrote a book. I'm mainly glad she EXISTS to make the world better. Was that too much? Noooo.

Not That Kind of Girl: Lena Dunham - I'm so sorry guys this is about to be brutal. Actually if you don't want to read all of this just read Amy Poehler's review again just opposite. That's how much I hated this book. Here's the cool thing about Lena. She grew up with parents that let her stretch her creativity in all directions, in whatever way she liked. I am a fan of her tv show GIRLS even though it can get a privilege-y a lot, it's still relatable to girls in their 20's on some subjects. I truly enjoy how open she is with her life and her body and how she loves to advocate for women. Her book has those undertones there but it's hard to get through all the rambling to see that. There is a LOT of rambling.

The first section is about her sexual encounters and I was told that she reveals a sexual assault and tells how she copes, but I never made it that far. She talks about herself a LOT, an unnatural amount (it is a memoir but um...). It's all about her story and her experience and ultimately how everyone's story needs to be heard because everyone's story is important. I agree with this on some accounts, I also think that maybe she should have had more experiences where she... volunteered or something - or just THOUGHT about someone else before her. I dunno! Every single story comes back to her! And how she hates herself? Or something? I found myself saying "What was the point of this story again?" a lot. After I realized I didn't have to read it because it was Lena, or it was controversial, I decided to stop and I'm glad I did. It must be tiring to think about yourself that much.

What do you think? Am I being too harsh (probably)? I never want to be that person that criticizes a person and doesn't really know them but I mean... the book is written. Can't take it back, lady girl.

Obviously both are memoirs and even though Amy is talking about her life experiences I don't feel like I'm being punched in the face with them. I feel like I took the journey with her and at the end (er... the middle) we hugged and got a beer together. Lena's accosted me in an oddly aggressive way and I guess I wasn't expecting it. Props to both women for putting their stories to print and choosing to be vulnerable. Wifi high five!

Tell me your thoughts on both if you've read the whole thing! I've always wanted to start a book club that's just a cover for eating a lot. Except I would also want to read too. So I just described a normal book club didn't I. Right.