single lady status

Ya know how when you shave you miss exactly ONE leg hair...

and you don't notice it until you actually feel it blowing in the breeze?

Me either. That's never happened. 

single lady secrets

*sigh* as a single lady... sometimes...

Sometimes you get a little lazy... you stay in the shower for 40 minutes at night because no one else is there and you like how steamy the shower gets. Sometimes you don't shave for over a year because who is going to see these legs? Please... tell me who.

Sometimes you feel a little fancy and buy new jeans aptly named "Boyfriend" jeans - 30% cuz they look good on you, 70% because of the name of the jean. Those jeans have distressed holes in them that make them pretty cool and hipster-like but one of the distressed holes became a real jean hole and... remember those unshaven legs? They have long, long hair. Hair that isn't blonde. Black hair. Peekin' through that hole all rebellious like.

Mind you I've been wearing these jeans for about 2 months now. Someone could have told me! No one told me...

So I did what any single lady would do... I shaved the hole of leg hair that peeks through. and no where else.

AND THAT'S REAL LIFE.

Real talk.

SLW Guest Post: on being a satisfied single

Do I have a TREAT for you guys this Single Lady Wednesday. My good friend, Keila Harris, is talking about how to live a fulfilling life as a single woman. I met Keila through Apple and it takes almost no time to realize how much wisdom she has at a young age - I've learned so much from her already. Her love for God is so apparent and the girl has a DEFINITE style for living life well. Watch out now... she's about to drop some KNOWLEDGE.


Enjoy her words today! (I apologize for the weird formatting of her post... Blogger is NOT co-operating today)


I am off to bake with a new friend, but more on that later - happy Wednesday!

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What makes a person want to be in a relationship? Or more specifically I wonder: what is the motivation behind giving up the freedom of independence for a collaborative co-existence with someone that may or may not potentially waste your emotional energy? I have personal goals. I have dreams. And as I am, I have the power to pursue these things without distraction! Not to mention I have some amazing friends that are being somewhat neglected because of my extremely busy grad school and work schedule.

Even still, with all those things active in my head, on lonely days, thoughts cross my mind saying, “I need someone to be here for me, to keep me company, and make me feel really special when I don’t have time to pamper myself!”

Ok… let’s be honest… how in the world can I enrich someone else’s life effectively while I can barely keep up with my own? This self-focused perspective train of thought is a relationship leech that sucks all the therapeutic aspects of companionship away and adds all types of stress and unnecessary drama. Lord knows I am in no place to serve and care for someone else in a way I want to be served and cared for right now. Therefore, it makes no sense to whine and pine about being single right now! (Not to mention, as women, we patiently wait for the chosen one to come to us. Meaning--there should be no prowl, mind games, or “reeling” the man in anyway...) But I digress…

Life is a gift and it should be lived to the fullest. As a single woman, I embrace every moment of my singleness and independence while I have it. This is ample time to pour into all my amazing friends that I unintentionally neglect. This is the time to pour into a more intimate relationship with Christ—the cornerstone of my confidence and emotional fulfillment. The natural fulfillment we all need that many seek to fill with relationships can only be found in Jesus to begin with. I’d rather find that place of peace, confidence, and comfort in Him before meeting “the one,” so I don’t have to backtrack due to unrealistic expectations in the man who does come along for me. I’m determined to embrace contentment and complete satisfaction in Jesus alone; He is more than enough for me. Anything else is an additional blessing!

Plus! These are the days, months, and years of complete spontaneous freedom! Take off to New York, California, Montana, wherever! Fly to Asia or Africa! I mean… I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise! This is the time to just.... live. These things excite me, but whatever it is you do... do you! Remember, you cannot know the absolute bliss of companionship until you know the joys of being alone!

“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

Phil 4:11 KJV

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I love this girl in a pretty real way... : ) You can follow Keila on twitter @keithoughts - the girl needs to write a book for real. 

SLW Guest Post: the truth about internet dating

This single lady Wednesday I was supposed to be in Minnesota seeing Kimbra and my friend Dyani, but plans didn't pan out... I'm taking a hiatus from the blog today to bring my FIRST guest post from my amazing friend, Sarah. I came to her because she knows the scoop on internet dating (while I have ZERO experience). Most people don't really understand how internet dating really works. You see the commercials *find God's match for YOU!* and you hear horrific stories but how is it REALLY? Sarah is here to tell you the truth. Get ready... it's a good one : )

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I must admit when Abby first asked me to guest spot on her blog I was beyond thrilled and honored, and then the panic set in. Her request was for me to share my single lady insight on dating, specifically my experiences with online dating. So, here goes...

I recently found myself single after 3 years of being in a serious relationship/engagement/short lived marriage, but that's another story for another day. I knew I wanted to get back into the dating scene and relive my lost early 20s but had no idea where to even begin. I don't exactly live in a thriving metropolis with a booming night scene, I instead live in a farmhouse 20 miles from the nearest city and I would hardly call Kankakee the kind of city I'm looking to find a man in. I work 40 hours a week on top of finishing my Master's so free time and socialization aren't exactly a daily occurrence. A good friend suggested online dating to me and my gut reaction was disgust and sarcasm (let this be a sign to all of you, never ignore your gut). The site she suggested was OkCupid, it was easy and it was free, two major selling points.

The online dating world is essentially a crash course in marketing. You have to reduce yourself to a one page profile and hope the words you put on it are enticing enough to hook you the man you're looking for. OkCupid asks you to answer a minimum of 100 questions, "to up your matching accuracy", and these questions are everything from the type of food you eat to what date you expect sex on to how serious you take astrological signs. Apparently, OkCupid thinks these are things that make relationship magic.

OkCupid has these amazing search parameters that allow you to specifically search "matches" by everything from ethnicity to height to religion to location and more. In theory, you could plug in your perfect man to the search parameter, hit search and Voila! you may find him and if you're lucky, you'll have above an 80% match. My first brush with OkCupid love matching "should" have been amazing, he was an 80% match to me and seemed to be amazing. His favorite movie was Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, he was a black hipster with a good job, we had the same music tastes, everything was going great until I figured out HE WAS CRAZY. After 3 weeks of "talking", he started to hint at being in love with me (red flags everywhere) and I started to hint at how freaked the hell out I was. As funny as it all is now, it's actually quite scary IRL. It all came to a culmination on Super Bowl Sunday, I was hanging with Abby, and cray cray boy was trying to convince me to hang with him. When I said no, he turned into a begging/pleading stage 5 clinger. The next day when I told him how annoyed by this I was he turned into an angry, accusing stage 5 douchebag. I have a strict no douchebag policy, so I bid him adieu. He was my first OkCupid experience and I had a few more after that. There was the south side Chicagoan who tried to entice me into a sexual relationship (no thanks, I'm good). There was the guy looking for a casual dating relationship, as he needed support because he had a baby on the way (um, really?) and there was the skinny, white farm boy who played accordion and worked on all organic cattle farm. Disclaimer: most of these people I did not meet in real life, I just exchanged messages with.

After 3 months of online dating and venting about my fallouts to Abby, we have coined the term OkCrazies and we affectionately refer to everyone on that site by that name. In theory it may be a great way to meet people, however, I've only encountered two versions of OkCupid matches: those who wish to marry you and those who wish to bone you. I fall into the 1% of people who is not outright looking for either of those options so I'm going to have to say that online dating...maybe not so hot.

In all honesty there appear to be some really cool people on OkCupid, these people are not located within 100 miles of me, they live in places where there are more coffeehouses than grain elevators and more Costco's than Casey's gas stations. The thing I have definitely noticed is that I have not really encountered the online dating situations that everyone fears. I've met three people in real life after meeting them online and they all were exactly as advertised. They weren't secretly balding or six inches shorter than they said, they were what they portrayed themselves to be. As far as single lady dating goes, I'm just going to have to say no to online dating. It's original appeal really came to me because I'm a closet introvert. The idea of being able to sit in my house and "date" by never actually encountering social situations was really appealing, but there is something to be said for a concept being too good to be true. Online dating is sketchy, super sketchy, and I don't recommend it. However, if you're like me and you just have to try everything once then at least be safe about it. I had all of my first dates in very public places and I never let anyone know a lot of info about me, I also never added them on Facebook/twitter.

Abby and I have had many a discussion on dating and I must say, I think she lived vicariously through my ridiculous online dating adventures. I'm so glad she did though because then I had to put up with all the ridiculousness and she just got to learn the lessons through me. I bet she didn't expect me to learn one from her though! I have learned that online dating is too much effort. You're putting yourself out there and you're not going to get what you want, no matter how hard you try. What a person sees about you based on a one page profile is not even a tiny speck of what you are in real life. I'm pretty, I have interesting interests, I have witty remarks and on paper I'm probably somewhat appealing, however, in real life...I'm amazing. I have a crazy laugh. I smell good. I have silly facial expressions and witty one liners. I absolutely love people and I listen with my whole being when I'm around them. Those aspects of my personality will never be accurately portrayed on a dating profile. Those aspects of my personality are the ones I want someone to fall in love with me for so it's ridiculous to try to do that online. I realize now that I just have to live my life and do what I'm doing and not expect anything from my love life. Abby says she can't wait until I meet the man that completely knocks me off my rocker and takes all the control from me in a good way. I'm taking Abby's mom's advice to look cute everywhere I go so I can have a "meet-cute" at the gas station or coffee shop or who knows where, but it won't be online. That's for dang sure!

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Can you see why I love this girl? (she legitimately does smell good ALL THE TIME). This post was awesome! I hope I can have more guest posts from single lady's out there, I've already got a few in mind! 


Happy SLW! 

single lady sings the blues

this morning's view. 

It just takes one gloomy morning for moody thoughts to loom in...
Why aren't you in bed?


It's such a good day to snuggle in bed with someone...


...Why don't you HAVE someone?


YOU'RE SO ALONE!


Isn't there a clinical study that says Seattle is one of the most depressing places because it's rainy all the time? I can totally understand why. As a single woman the disparaging thoughts come flying at me when it's rainy. All I want to do is cuddle with someone and drink tea all day. I can't say I'm never lonely because I don't want to lie. I'm lonely a lot actually but I know exactly what to do to shake myself out of my reverie. Just a few quick tips to shake things up and take you into your weekend : ) cuz i love you in real life.

1. Everything you're thinking that makes you unhappy? Do the exact opposite.

If you're thinking that you should stay in bed all day, clearly you need to go somewhere - even if it's just the library. You want to mope and watch the Notebook until you feel slightly suicidal? Watch Bridesmaids and laugh til you pee, while drinking Kool-aid through a curly straw.

2. Puddle Jump. Either in your car or in rain boots.

As a matter of fact puddle jump and THEN get in your car and puddle jump!

3. TREAT YO'SELF

ALWAYS. treat yo'self.

4. Get out of the house!

It is the perfect day to rid yourself of your phobia of falling off bikes! (this is a story for a different day.)

5. Spend some time with God or meditating or whatever makes you feel best

I know when I feel crappy it's cuz I haven't spent time with God. I shouldn't be my focus anyway! You're never alone! Even if you can't see God doesn't mean He's ignoring you in your lonely state. Spend some time meditating on good things. Maybe your insides need some attention. Also God has way better things in store for you than being lonely.

6. Fake. It.

"But I'm not happy!" Who ever arrived at happy without acting like they were already there? You know when people ask, "How are you?" in passing and you proceed to tell them the story of your sad existence when in reality all they wanted to hear was "Fine!" Yeah! Don't be that girl! Your good mood might help someone else who is feeling lonely.

sunshine hair flower

Honestly when in doubt TREAT YO'SELF and all the other ones will fall into place.

stay tuned for next week's Single Lady Wednesday (SLW) and a GUEST POST what uuuup!

single lady wednesdays: getting your house in order

Lately I have been all over the map. I saw JtB, went downtown to the beach and ran to a train with a pizza in my hand and it's kinda been AWESOME. But I have a secret...

I'm anti-social.

For all of you scoffing out there I'm telling you the truth. In order to actually see Joy the Baker I had to really mentally prepare. Social situations tend to drain me like no other and I end up withdrawing instead of being happy. Actually the day after seeing Joy, I went to a store meeting and ended up in tears because it was just... too much. It's weird and complex but I know how to deal with it... I just can't deal with a LOT of it all at one time.

I'm using today to catch up with myself. Sometimes I need to make a 5 cup pot of coffee for just myself and drink it all day. I need to make warm oatmeal with brown sugar, pecans and dried cherries... it's like eating a warm hug. I've also GOT to spend some time without pants on today because I've been oppressed by them for too long! (don't get me started on how much i hate wearing pants)

I'm throwing open my windows and letting my room air out... mostly because I'm behind on laundry and maybe it smells up in here.

I need to do laundry...

...and clean my room and make my bed....

Having things clean actually clears out the cobwebs in my brain. I can't design when my desk is cluttered, it's like the things on my desk climbed into my brain and sat. just waiting for me to put them away.

I recommend playing a BANGIN' Spotify playlist as loud as possible, opening every window you can see out of and just sing, dance and clear them cobwebs. Literally and figuratively.



...and then i'll be going out later on this evening : )

single lady wednesday: the married edition

Today I took time to spend with my favorite people in the world; the married ones. Brian & Cole, Kate, Erick & baby Sof, Michelle Parsons (I can't say her first name without her last haha) and I headed out to paint the city red. It was an altered Family Day if you will : )

You know how certain situations come together and they happen SO well that you know it can't possibly work ever again in that same instance?

I think that was today.

We started out having coffee at Metropolis and just kinda chillin'. It was a good start. I always have to fully wake up and my spicy Mexican Mocha did just that.

It was almost 90 degrees here today and while everyone else was humid and hot we sunned ourselves on Hollywood Beach, walked on the warm sand and dipped our toes in the cold water. It was like being on vacation without having to go anywhere.

We stopped by Forever Yogurt to taste literally every yogurt they had. Somehow I got a combo of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup (which tasted like Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch) and Key Lime Pie froyo and it was quite possibly the best thing ever. THEN? Somehow we got it in our brain to go to Hot Doug's which is quite possibly the best hot dog/sausage place in the WORLD (of Chicago).

All in all it was just an amazing day. I got to see my friends, who are the coolest people around. I got to see Sofia, who I am TOTALLY claiming as my best friend right now cuz we SUPER bonded today haha and I got to eat at the best places in the city WITH said friends and new bff baby!

To wrap up today in a word? Perfect.

SLW: adventures of a single lady

Before I write this post can I just say that I've been on a "looking cute" streak lately? I'm not sure what has changed, either outwards or inwards, but I have been lookin' CUTE, girl, CUTE. I like it. No, I LOVE it.

Anyways. I have named Wednesday's, Single Lady Wednesday. It is always the day that I have adventures on... most of the time it consists of me wearing off tiredness from the night before (cuz I end up working until 12 or 1) and walking around my apartment pantless, catching up on television, which is a single lady right.

It was 81 degrees today in the middle of frickin' March so anyone that had a brain was outside today. It was just too AMAZING to NOT be outside, so I met up with my awesome and good friend Sarah. The beginning of the day started out with me completing my quest to find the stainless steel Sharpie marker at Blick. It ended with us running for the train with an entire Pizano's pizza (thanks Rossie!) in our hands and eating said pizza... on the train.

The day wasn't really planned out, we just knew we wanted to be in the city and running around. At one point we were sprawled on the grass talking about boys, and life, and moving, and avoiding the blackbirds that are just SO BOLD and fly right up to you. They practically ASK you for food - every chirp sounds like "CHI-FEEDME-IIRP!"


I want to say though... I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me writing on singleness, like it's an invitation for me to be selfish about my life, or that it's better than everyone else's life who is married. Marriage and family is what I WANT - eventually. I could (and I have) spend my entire day wishing I was on a Family Day adventure with the De La Rosa's or eating pizza in Millennium Park at sunset with the Schwartz's, but why would I do that? I need to make my own adventures and not let anyone take my sense of being ALIVE away from me. That's what I want to write about MOST. Just... living life as a single girl who sometimes doesn't leave her apartment on her off days and sometimes doesn't put pants on.  But when I DO put pants on? I have awesome adventures and wear giant flowers in my hair : )

single lady status

I think I want to start a new section in this random blog on being single. I rely on Kate for my mama lady status. I rely on Katherine for my married lady status (though Kate is also married so she really does double duty). We need a single lady voice. Who knows if I'm ever gonna be anything OTHER than a single lady - promise this is not coming from a bitter place it's just real.

Almost 100% of the blogs I read are set up by married ladies who want to document life, design, crafts, and general awesomeness and I LOVE IT. I've become a guru of mom and children products because it's all I read. Sometimes... it's creepy when a mom comes to ME for advice. Overkill much? I love gaining perspective on marriage and how to make it work, how to work children into the mix and I'm looking forward to that new phase of life when I get there.

My reality is I am a single lady.

There is no voice for single women out there. I don't want to know how to catch a man cuz... maybe I don't WANT a man. Life's not all about that and I'm pretty over that mentality being pushed on me from all sides. Thank you to all the cooking blogs out there made by single women but maybe I DON'T wanna bury my feelings in food anymore (although I love to bake... i'm gonna chalk that up to genetics haha). I want to be a voice of practicality and enjoyment for single people. I have NOT donned my leotard and long weave and begun to dance to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" I'm just sayin! Where all the single people at?! Are we lame in real life?!

What do single girls do nowadays? Bars are pretty lame. Anyone can go to a bar. If you cook, why aren't you hosting a dinner party to feed people?! Single people have all the fun! Stay up and out late, do whatever, whenever because we can! Why be jealous of the married folk when I can have just as much, if not MORE fun.

Should be interesting!

I'm telling you this red lipstick has some kind of brain changing power.

{about the single girl}

made me smile : )

via A Cup of Jo

haiku for the single girl

Hope I never need

Haiku for the Single Girl

To get me through life 

it's good for a laugh

i might cry afterwards though

Geez... penguin classics.

Thank you, Cup of Jo,

for recommending this book,

but it's not out yet.